Friday, October 17, 2008

The Bizarro Shirley Temple

Meet the Anti Shirley Temple. Or, as they might say on Seinfeld, the Bizarro Shirley. She's got the blond curls, and you can practically hear her high-pitched and annoying little voice.

But the real Shirley would not have a mouth on her like this one. Well, not unless she'd been in the studio all day and all night tap-dancing and singing some sugary little song over and over and over. That would be enough to break anyone, really.

You have to feel sorry for Auntie May though. Why exactly is she stuck with the kid? Her parents probably ran away. Heaven knows what Bizarro Shirley said to them!

Oh, it's a fun family, all right. Shirley came by that fresh mouth honestly - specifically from Daddy, who's been saying how Auntie's dragon breath knocks out all the men in whiffing distance. And she must be Mama's sister, since Mama is supposed to talk to Auntie about it.

Fat chance of that happening! Mama is probably hiding in the closet. Poor woman - stuck with a husband and a kid like that. And Daddy is not much of an advertisement for this husband-catching racket, by the way.

Mama should have thrown him back. Or had Auntie May breathe on him.

It's still an idea, you know.

But alas, Auntie discovers the amazing modern invention called toothpaste and hey presto! a B-movie second-lead actor shows up, on cue, to marry her - all "thanks to Colgate."

In that last group shot, Auntie May is just about to stick Shirley in the behind with a large hatpin. See how happy Auntie looks! She can't wait!

And to answer that initial question, young Shirley - no, bad breath isn't catching. But bad manners can be! And bad moods, too. So watch your back next time Auntie May and Uncle Brylcreem come to call.

And do remember to let your Mama out of the closet.


eve cleveland said...

Hey, Girl!
Back atcha...and thanks for your comment. I sort of had to ditch that blog because the other one keeps me real busy.
Anyhoo, lmao at this precious lil story bout how auntie spinster's man trubs were solved just by purchasing some toothpaste. Ahhhh the good ole days. I'm stumblin ya.

looking4ancestors said...

Bizarro Shirley - I love it!! This is a really good one! A great post to start the week-end. I stumbled ya, too.
BTW - I have tagged you for a meme. Check it out on my blog.

Tori Lennox said...

I was thinking Daddy was just too much of a wimp to tell his own sister she had bad breath. But you could be right. At any rate, Bizarro Shirley needs to be shoved into that closet herself.

Mik said...

They just don't do toothpaste adverts like that nowadays, would be cool though. LOL

Margie and Edna said...

Nothing like preying on a woman's self-esteem to sell a product.

That little girl is completely obnoxious, too.

~~louise~~ said...

I'm hiding in the closet because, I'm speechless, toothless, breathless and indeed manless...It's all her fault!

Bill said...

They omitted that middle frame where Auntie May spanks the daylights out of Faux Shirley.