Monday, November 17, 2008

Lost Coffees and Vanquished Caffeinizations

Down at the bottom of the coffee jar, deep down in the earliest layers - that's where the well-caffeinated kitchen archaeologist wants to go.

But not to worry, that ancient coffee powder is super-fresh and full of caffeine thanks to some amazing techniques of preservation first developed back in the 1950s.

That's what Nescafé, that leading archaeologist, tells us in new coffee-ground-breaking research after many years of getting up very early in the morning and staggering around the kitchen searching for the elusive instant coffee jar. Digging around in kitchen cabinets is hard work, you know. And you have to be careful not to disturb anything.

Never fear, though! There is a new excavation technique in the Valley of the Kitchen Sinks. And it is called the "Flavor-Seal" Process (please note quotation marks and capitals, they are absolutely crucial).

We don't really know exactly how this process works, the researchers have not yet revealed their secret research techniques.

But rest assured, when they unearth the last teaspoon of coffee powder at the bottom of the excavation site - by gum, it's going to be so fresh you could sass your academic advisor with it!

You may need a few cups of real coffee before you think about doing that, though. They don't always appreciate the sassy, you know (trust me, I do know). But that, as they say, is another story.


Erica said...

Now there's an idea -- putting food in time capsules, and when people open them to read the old newspapers and things they have to drink the old instant coffee that's included.

It's not a particularly good idea, I'll admit :)

Tori Lennox said...

The Flavor-Seal process? Isn't that how they make mummies?

Bill said...

That gal certainly looks sassy, with her jaunty green kerchief.
I'll bet "Flavor-Seal" involved plastic. It's probably like making sausage, however; you don't really want to know the details.

Anonymous said...

I have been lost in the "Valley of Kitchen Sinks". Terrible place. You do need coffee if you're going to a place like that. :)

Frogs in my formula said...

I lived on instant coffee when I was a poor college student abroad. I will never forget the consistency of the powder. Ick. Your post brought me right back there!

Lidian said...

Erica - It would be fun though, to have a childhood-food time capsule, or childhood candy - mine wuld be all Chuckles and Good N Plenty, both of which I hated but seemed to be on the receiving end of.

Tori - Yes, I believe it is similar...

Bill - No I don't! And she may be a bit Flavor-Sealed herself. Hmm.

Papercages - Oh, me too. Every day. Trying to find the bottom of the sink, I know it's down there somewhere!

Frogs - Where were you? I know that they drink a lot of Sanka in England, or they did, in student rooms. Well, or at least, i know someone who did. So basically I don;t actually know at all! :)

Bee said...

Ewwww Nescafe! My mom still drinks it. (:o\

ettarose said...

I remember this stuff. Yuck! About as bad as instant tea with lemon

Maria said...

Lidian, thank you for keeping us informed about this amazing breakthrough! I generally try to keep up with advancements in this field, but, oddly, the regular publications have been silent on the matter! :-D

Lidian said...

Bee - I don't think I have ever had Nescafe but I do have similar things that I drink out of sheer laziness not wanting to work the coffee machine, just wanting the caffeine quickly, quickly!

Ettarose - That reminds me of Constant Comment, which was a big favorite of my mother's. I had ambivalent feelings about it.

Maria - It IS surprising that this has not made more of am academic - er - splash. Maybe it is too hot for them.

Needless To Say said...

I'm wondering how great "Flavor Seal" is, since they need to use extra amounts. But coffee with just a regular amount of "Flavor Seal" might not be fresh enough. Don't you love how the marketing people have solved these issues for us?