Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lysolation Booth

For the rest of the week I am going to be writing about ads that some wonderful friends have sent along to me. Many many thanks for the kitsch and retro inspiration -

To Louise at Months of Edible Celebrations for more Fleischmann's Yeast shenanigans, coming later this week!

And also to Amy at I Love Retro Things, for some fabulous 1940s ads from New Zealand,

To Janet, who kindly said I could go over to Found In Mom's Basement and borrow some ads,

And last but definitely not least, to my pal Eve Cleveland at that'sfunnybecause who has sent along all manner of astonishing retro ads, including today's offering:

Well, I don't know about you, but if I were this lady, I wouldn't be in such a hurry to unlock that door. Doubt. Inhibitions. Ignorance. That's quite a party you have going on in there, sir. Hope Lucille has a bottle of whiskey on hand. We're all going to need some pretty soon.

This ad reminded me of the Ladies' Home Journal feature "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" in which the wife, the husband and then the Counselor all speak in turn. It is illustrated, always, with a photo of a man and woman caught in mid-shout or turned in opposite directions with folded arms and grumpy faces.

Time for a slightly more dramatic photo op with Dave and Lucille...

LUCILLE: It all started when he began reading all of my women's magazines - this one especially [Editor's Note: LHJ denies all responsibility]. He was obsessed with the hygeine ads. I never saw it coming. First he wanted me to take baths in turpentine. I said, think again buster! Then I had to scrub myself with a Chore Boy like I use on the dishes. No can do. He got really mad when I threw out the Old Dutch gift set he gave me for Christmas. Then two weeks later I came home from the market and he's locked himself in the spare room.

DAVE [in muffled voice]: Everything was so perfect when we were first married. She kept everything so nice and clean. But then I started seeing dust bunnies everywhere. And Lucille - she's like a dust bunny to me, too! It's a function of her basic hostility to me, I think. But one thing I do know is, I'm not coming out of here unless she uses the Lysol. Otherwise, forget it! Just slide my clean shirts and some sandwiches on thin bread under the door. I hate peanut butter, by the way.

COUNSELOR: Well, peanut butter isn't the only thing Dave hates! [chuckles] This was a pretty challenging case for me. We had a magazine deadline so I had to scramble a bit. It wasn't easy having therapy sessions when the husband and wife were literally in different rooms. I had to shout through the keyhole sometimes [laughs]. Finally we got them to see that they were both to blame for this marital crisis.

You see, Lucille was brought up in a family that regards Lysol as something you clean the floor and bathroom porcelain with. She found it a little bizarre of Dave to insist that she use it in terms of, ahem, personal hygiene. We tried to make her feel more relaxed about trying new products, perhaps not Lysol exactly...to see it as a nice gesture Dave would appreciate. If and when he comes out of the spare room.

As for Dave, we couldn't hear much of what he was saying. We're just working on trying to get him to slide that key under the door.

15 comments:

Erica said...

Y'know, nobody ever believes me when I say that Lysol used to be used as a douche liquid. "No, really, there were ads about it," I say. Most people can't fathom the idea of dousing themselves with caustic liquid. (I can't blame them, the idea of chemical burns on the genitals isn't really a definition of "hygienic" in my personal dictionary, either.)

The dynamic here is surreal, though. "Dave, come out! Make love to me!" And poor Dave is hiding from his sex-mad wife in the (closet? bathroom?), trembling in fear of her feminine odor.

Needless To Say said...

I'd keep Dave locked in there forever.

ModernMommy said...

Hugh???? Are you freekin kidding me?

Bill said...

I think this ad has scarred me for life.

Boy, when they say "use wherever needed" they really, really mean it.

Laura-Junkfoodaholic.com said...

OMG this ad is hilarious! I wouldn't be trying to get in there if I were her. But what's even scarier than that is using Lysol for feminine hygiene!

looking4ancestors said...

Greetings Lidian,
Poor Lucille! Dave obviously doesn't know how toxic Lysol is on the female body. The comment by Erica is true. In fact, Lysol used to be used to end unwanted pregnancies. It was some nasty stuff.

leaisscraphappy said...

After picking my chin up off the floor from reading this post, I found out it was also used for birth control. Imagine that! And with so many scents available!

Michelle Gartner said...

If you read the woman's magazines- up until the mid 70's douching all the time was pushed on women. There are worse ads then this. I showed one to my husband about 2 weeks ago- that basically went...

a woman get up at about 7:30am
8:15 she's showered and dressed
9:30 am and she is already unsure about her unpleasant odor ????

I have seen a couple ads that say- your doctor may tell you not to douche daily- but with new and improved whatever you can do it all the time...

There are a lot of ads on this tangent- what gets me is the ones that start the girls out at 12 neurotic about their own body and smelling up the place.

Not to go on a tangent but we were in the store once just a few years ago and this guy was loudly directing his wife what scented douches to buy and pretty much letting everyone know he thought she stunk. I wanted to slap him and then I wanted to slap her for being with the idiot.

Lysol's best douche ad is the one called "Caught Up in Her Husbands Web Of Indifference." it's been emailed a few times. After she cleans her junk with lysol she's sitting in his lap and they are happy campers.

AUGH BLarg.

The Work From Home Mother said...

No wonder that generation had to have so many Hysterectomies. Besides, have you smelled Lysol? I don't think I would want to walk around smelling like that.

Preston said...

Hmmm. Maybe her husband was gay?

Lidian said...

Erica - I believe you! I read all those magazines in the 60s and saw those ads as a kid, resulting in this blog, seemingly.

Needless To Say - Oh yeah, me too. Hide the key.

ModernMommy - Wish I was, but no!

Bill - It really is quite an ad.

Laura - I know, I am going to be laughing when I see it in the grocery store from now on...

Looking4Ancestors - Oh my goodness, I didn't know that. That is really scary...

Lea - See above. Land o'goshen, et cetera.

Michelle - It is terrible that this is still around. And that guy in the store - ugh. Where's a locked room when you need one?
I have another ad (really bad scan) with the same theme, but from the 40s, which I might impose on the blog down the road...

Work From Home Mother - Yeah, it is not something you'd want to interact with like that.

Preston - There's a backstory here, somewhere...

loosecannon said...

Rectum? I nearly killed him!

Deeeez Nuts!

LC

eve cleveland said...

Hahaha! I love it! You don't have to thank me, I get a kick out of finding those! I think Lysol may have become a more popular hygiene product if they hadn't been so successful in branding it as, well, you know...Lysol.
Eve

Lidian said...

Loosecannon - Not that they would actually say this in a 50s ad, of course...

Eve - But I do thank you! And my goodness, wasn't this a popular ad?!

Cari Hislop said...

I have never heard this! That's insane! Using Lysol to wash intimate parts? The smell alone should spell it out. Just because it cleans the floor, doesn't mean it'll clean everywhere. Ugh!

Seriously though, who are these women whose intimate crevices smell so bad that their husbands lock themselves in a room? Casanova apparently liked his women to smell of cheese, but everyone probably smelled so bad a cheesy smell would have been almost pleasant. Ugh! I'm so glad I live today.