Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Magic of Micro-Fluff

Just look what Micro-Fluff has done for this man.

You too can have the same frozen look of utter loopiness, as you hold masses of nylon fibers that mimic velvet pile. And you will also start speaking and writing in capitals, which is fun for you if not for other people nearby.

Sounds terrific, right? So you need to know more - lots more. So let's check out this incredible career opportunity. I think you stand around mostly, like this, holding the fluff. And later, when you're a trained professional - you glue it to things.

Many, many things.

Even the name of the career skill is fun: Flok-Kraft. Pronounce it carefully, boys and girls! No need to giggle and smirk, if you do you might get that Micro-Fluff all over the "basement, garage, attic, service porch or even a card table in your bedroom."

You will be working at home, you see, pasting fluff onto - um, things. You can line silverware drawers with it! Decorate lamps and lampshades! Recover women's party shoes! Line the car trunk! Apply it to toys and other "new objects" thereby increasing their value 500%. Allegedly.

So rush your name and address to Niels Irwin and he will free you from "time clocks and nagging bosses" with masses of "the most amazing material you ever saw." Maybe you're supposed to cover the boss with it, too.

"Every neighborhood needs a FLOK-KRAFTER," you see. Someone needs to velvetize things, right? Like phonograph turntables and wall plaques and instrument cases and...things.

I just know that Kathy the Artex Queen is related to Niels. He must be her dad! Her role model and inspiration. Eventually everyone in their town got involved in decorating things first with Micro-Fluff, then with Artex 20 years later when the velvet wore off. When they had finished covering everything in their town, they all moved on. People in the surrounding areas became afraid, then they too became FLOK-KRAFTERS (or Artexians). Steven King ought to write about this. Unless he's busy up there in Maine - no, it couldn't be...could it?


Bill said...


Um...no thanks.

Amy said...

oooh yes is it like one of those k-tel ads on tv that say "but that's not all, you'll also get blah blah blah for the value of blah blah blah absolutely free"

tim h said...

Oh no! Grandma's been infected by Flok-Kraft! Shoot her in the head, Billy, it's the only thing that'll stop her.

Tori Lennox said...

Is it just me or is this dude the poster child for Mad Scientists around the world?

Lidian said...

Bill - Yeah, I can't imagine who was enticed by this, even in 1955.

Amy - It is exactly like that! :)

Tim - LOL!

Tori - All he needs is a white coat...

VintageGent said...

Is that guy Mr. Whipple's father...or maybe it is Mr. Whipple as a young man. He certainly likes to squeeze stuff. yikes.

Melanie said...

Flok that! :) What sort of evil Stepford type genius invented this stuff?

Carol said...

Too bad it doesn't come in spray cans. Maybe the ad model wouldn't look so stinkin' scary if he was just holding a can.

Unless he's pointing it at me.

Anne said...

You almost had me until you mentioned the word Kraft. Too close to craft and crafts give me hives.

Angi said...

Wow...I want the names of all those included in the "huge demand!" claim. How many could there be?? lol

Slapinions said...

Do you know of anyone who actually has encountered this stuff?

The dude looks creepy, like it's the hair of his victims in his hands. Yikes

Anonymous said...

I think your term "utter loopiness" nailed it. He is one freaky looking guy.

ettarose said...

What in the heck is it? Who would want to buy it? Were people that gullible back then?

Lidian said...

VintageGent - He does look like Mr. Whipple! :)

Melanie - I can't imagine who invented this, or why.

Carol - They may have put it in spray cans at some point, if i find out I'll let you know!

Anee - I am not crafty either, though I admire people who are.

Angi - I was thinking that too- I need proof!

Slapinions - You are exactly right, which is one of the things that made me think: I must write about this.

papercages - He sure is, and I am going to see if I can find out anything about him.

ettarose - It is glue-on fake velvet pile I think, which will glam up anything with a flat surface. Supposedly.

Anonymous said...

Iuse rayon flocking in my artwork all of the time. It's is a fabulous texture treatment that we use on glazed ceramic surfaces (taking it away from the silkscreen process). It comes in beautiful colors and I taught someone how to flock jus two days ago. It is cool stuff.