Thursday, December 18, 2008

Message In A Bottle Caddy

If only Freud had seen this ad, he would not have been asking "What do women want?" Why, they want the Kitco Bottle Caddy, that's what. Or so the Kitco people would have you think.

But it is not an ideal gift for anyone. It is not "wonderful to have." Maybe it would be useful to have - if you picked it up at the hardware store some Saturday morning, along with a bag of road salt and a few lug nuts.

If every gift has a message behind it, this one is not 'I love you' or 'I was thinking about giving you a treat.' No, no. It is, in fact 'I know how much you like juggling cold, dripping slipping milk bottles early in the morning, and this way you can cart around twice as many!'

But stop right here! This is not something you should wrap up in gold paper, put a big red bow on, and present to your wife or mother or sister or daughter or female friend, got that?*

I can't believe that this even needs saying, but at the left is the proof that it does: Kitco-dependent gentlemen of the world, women do not in fact love lugging glass bottles of milk. And they do not love you assuming that this is their job.

All that stuff women say about wanting, for example, a first edition of A Christmas Carol, or a new television, or even something that incorporates diamonds and/or platinum - or whatever else one might want... It was just a roundabout way of asking for a "durable hi-impact styrene caddy." Of course.

The Kitco copywriter must have been drinking something all right - and it wasn't milk.

*If you do, by the way, I know what she's going to be getting you next Christmas - I'll be showing that to you tomorrow.

[This is for the worst-Christmas-present carnival over at Humor Bloggers, by the way. I didn't really get one of these, but it does count as one of the worst prsent ideas I've seen.]

17 comments:

Chris Bowers said...

If I would have only read your post before shopping for my wife at Home Depot. You mean woman really don't want useless kitchenware? Who knew?

Very Funny Post!

Blue Castle said...

Hilarious! :) But, it would be handy, I would think. Just not as a gift.

Tori Lennox said...

If my husband (if I had a husband, that is) bought that for me as a present, he'd soon find himself wearing it, I think...

Ad Infinitum said...

"Designed to eliminate breakage and convenient handling of bottles[...]"

Yes I agree! why handle breaking bottles conveniently when you can use this instead :D

Lidian said...

Chris - They especially don't want useless kitchenware that devolves an unpleasant job upon them - like, say, a garbage disposal. Actually, i wrote a post about that being a weird present for a woman, a few months ago...

Blue Castle - It would be fine, just not as a Christmas present.

Tori - Oh yeah, I would never forget this! And I have just the present-in-return tomorrow...

Ad Infinitum - That's really good! LOL, yes indeed!

Alicia aka "Fashiona" said...

no...it was just a man that wrote the ad.

Melanie said...

Eeek! This looks like the sort of terrible gift my ex would have bought me for Christmas and then wondered why I was mad until New Years.

Chris, if you're going to shop for your wife at home depot, get her something truly meaningful like a table saw or something.

Crystal Raen said...

This is hilarious. And really makes me wonder about men's intelligence level on gift-giving...

Grumpus said...

This is the sort of item you buy and quietly leave on the porch, or wherever it needs to go. If it is presented on any occasion, with any fanfare whatsoever, then that is just embarrassing for everybody involved.

Bill said...

I wonder how many women sat beside their aluminum tree (with color wheel!) and sobbed when they opened a box holding a diamond bracelet, crying "Dammit, Bob! You never listen to me! I told you that all I really wanted was a Kitco Bottle Caddy!"

Lidian said...

Alicia - It really shines through, doesn't it? A woman would NEVER write this, even in 1960! :)

Melanie - Yeah, or some wicker porch furniture for the next summer, I like that.

Crystal Raen - It does make you wonder...

Grumpus - Yes, exactly!

Bill - Perhaps Mrs. Kitco?

TheSnackHound said...

I can top that. A friend of mine received a plastic winter shovel from her boyfriend of a year. It wasn't a joke gift either.

Yeah, I wuld like to know what the man would be getting if he gave his gal that. Besides milk poured on his head or lap.

Actually, *I* would like one of those. It would be good to put four little flower vases in. Industrial/kitchen doodad chic. I wouldn't want it as a token of love from my one and only though.

Lidian said...

TheSnackHound - Wow, a plastic shovel? That really IS a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad gift!

mrsmouthy said...

A truly cunning husband would present that gift in a teal Tiffany's box and white ribbon, too.

Lidian said...

mrsmouthy - Oh, that would be very tricky indeed!

Michelle Gartner said...

I would be okay with that because I make my own milk and did so for five kids. I could just haul my six teats around in there and stop wearing a bra.

For Christmas I want the Victorian mouse crap pills on your other blog... they will fix what ails me.

As long as I don't get fruitcake or those nasty sausage and fake cheese packages from relatives that hate us- I am good...

Lidian said...

Michelle - LOL, I might need some mouse pills myself (or maybe some Harvey's Bristol Cream - i could haul six bottles of that around in the caddy)