Saturday, January 3, 2009

Frostilla: The Battle Against Chapped Hands!

No, Frostilla never does have chapped hands. She would not allow this to be! Frostilla is all-powerful and she will be very angry if her skin allows itself to become red and scaly.

She is, of course, the beauty-minded cousin of Jadis, the wintry and demonic queen in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. C.S. Lewis did not write about Frostilla because he did not understand enough - that is to say, anything - about the art and science of preventing chapped skin and generally staying gorgeously lovely in the permanent cold weather.

She is gigantic, compared to the child heads above her hand. And if she urges you to use her cream, well, you had better go run to the store and get some. Never mind the "costly ingredients." I don't even want to know what they might be.

Frostilla has clearly transformed those children into disembodied heads as a punishment for all the "dishes, diapers, [and] drudgery" that she has known.

Talk about being a little hostile. Don't hold back so much, Frostilla, this ad is from the 1950s, the neo-Freudian era. Tell us how you really feel!

On second thought - never mind, ma'am. I think we can puzzle it out on our own.

17 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

She is, of course, the beauty-minded cousin of Jadis, the wintry and demonic queen in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

I had the exact same idea!

But, really, it seems to me putting something frosty on your hands is guaranteed to MAKE them chapped. But don't tell Frostilla I said so.

Stephanie Barr said...

Perhaps she's torqued because of the miserly wedding ring Mr. Frostilla provided. And why is the ring do dark? Did it leave a green ring?

I have admit I'm skeptical that a husband who would provide such a ring would provide sufficient budget to by the lotion with the costlier ingredients.

RetroKimmer said...

Speaking of Retro Beauty! I gave you a little award last night. It's on Retrokimmer Happy New Year!

Diesel said...

The only downside is that after several months of frequent use, your thumb separates completely from the rest of your hand.

Lidian said...

Tori - Well, yes, the name of this stuff is a little ironic at best. But who dares to tell Frostilla? Not I.

Stephanie - Yes, that's a good point. But where IS Mr. Frostilla? Has he been punished for the puny ring?

RetroKimmer - Thank you! :)

Diesel - Yes, that's true - but your other fingers are really very lovely and smooth...

Lux said...

That hand scares me.


;-)

ettarose said...

This is reticence of the 1950's. What is diapers and dishes but drudgery? Smooth as a Bride's hands? We raised our little girls to go from home straight into chapped hand hell!

Carol @SheLives said...

I'm just wondering why they would name something made to AVOID chapped hands a name that sounds so...chapping?

Pfeng said...

What on earth happened to that hand, did it go through the garbage disposal?!?

Actually, if the lotion can heal a garbage disposalled hand into even that bizarre apparition, good for the lotion.

Lidian said...

Lux - That is Frostilla's intention!

ettarose - And before the 50s too, I found an image of a Frostilla bottle from the early 1900s, I might do a follow-up later this week...

Carol - It IS an ironic name, isn't it?

Pfeng - Apparently it can take on anything, really! As can the hand, too...

ceemee said...

Where do I buy one? Maybe it would also work on cracked heels? What do you think? ;-)

Daisy said...

I wonder what happened to her manicure? It looks all chipped off at the ends.

Lidian said...

ceemee - Yes, it might, but I don't think they make this stuff anymore...

Daisy - I don't like to ask about her hands! :)

Bill said...

You're right, Lidian. Don't ask about her hands. They're all she has left.

The cheerleader pom-poms are brittle. Her girlish figure sacrificed to the post-war availability of sugar and chocolate. Her housecoat came from a less-than-better dime store. The older brat still wears diapers.

But she still has her hands. If only she didn't have to look at that chintzy ring every time she looks at them.

Oh, well, it's nearly time for Queen for a Day on TV. A girl can still dream, can't she?

Lidian said...

Bill - Frostilla is Queen for Every Day! :)

Ron Eklof said...

I've been looking for one of them better 10¢ stores. None around here, but I'll keep looking. (Had to search for the cent symbol. Even that is elusive). Fun blog, glad to meet you.
Ron

Lidian said...

Ron - Thank you! The ten cent stores are now dollar stores, alas.