Monday, January 26, 2009

A Long Time Between Roasts

Alice: Psst! Helen, there's something I must speak to you about! Shhh! Over here.

Helen: Oh hello there, Alice, I didn't see you there. You must have been lurking behind the canned vegetables. I see there's a special this week on canned corn and -

Alice: Never mind all that! I must speak to you in confidence, dear...

Helen: It isn't Grace Foster running off with the milkman again, is it?

Alice: Why no it's -

Helen: Because I happen to know that you got that bit of juicy gossip from I Love Lucy. I was suspicious as soon as I realized that we don't even know anybody named Grace. Or Foster!

Alice: Oh do shut up for one ever-loving minute, Helen! I must speak to you about GRAVY.

Helen: Gravy? What about it?

Alice: When was the last time you served up some delicious gravy?

Helen: Well, the youngsters, they love gravy. But - mostly I serve up those newfangled TV Dinners from Swanson. I'm a busy lady! I have things to do and - and things to do! Speaking of which, I really have to -

Alice: Helen, don't let it be such a long time between roasts! Just buy some of this canned Franco-American gravy. Try it! Please! Your family will love it!

Helen: But -

Alice: Just put it in some nice big bowls and voila! Dinner is served! It's even grand on bread for children's snacks! Just look at the ad there - bottom line. That's what it says. And also, it adds glamour to economy foods...I think. Maybe not glamour, precisely. It does add gravy though, I know that much.

[Pause for dramatic effect. Helen sees what is sticking out of Alice's purse and suddenly realizes why she is listing to one side.]

Helen: You just bought a job lot of canned gravy from somewhere, didn't you?

Alice: I did not!

Helen: Just like the time Lucy and Ethel buy all the meat and try to sell it at the butcher's out of an old baby carriage.

Alice: I never did!

Helen: Uh huh....sure. Well, maybe I'll buy a can or two. Couldn't hurt the TV Dinners, I suppose. But you have to promise me you'll cut down on the sitcoms, all right?
Turkey Gravy on Foodista

8 comments:

Bill said...

Well, I wonder what has been happening to my comments! They are nowhere to be seen, at least on Kitchen Retro. If things got screwy, there may be another blogger out there reading comments on their site about collars and psoriasis, scratching their heads & tugging at their collars in bewilderment.

I like how Alice shouts about Franco-American gravy. I wonder if she's wearing a sandwich board? Maybe she's taken a part-time marketing job to help pay for a new television.

PaulsHealthblog.com said...

What a gravy of a post! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Tori Lennox said...

Making a note not to accept any invitations to Alice's house that involve food....

Celestial Charms said...

I'm not sure what year that ad was published, but I can be sure what my Grandmother would have said about the new product. "Why would I pay money for a can of something I could make from the drippings for free!" Of course, she would never dream of serving gravy without a roast. She would say that about practically every new product on the market!
Maureen

C said...

I love when you take us back in time and we can listen in on the real conversations that occured back in the day!
Hilarious

Melanie said...

LOL! Gravy may be my second favorite food, but Alice, you're not going to get me to serve canned gravy!

Patricia said...

I remember this stuff! My mom used to make toast and pour this on top. It was a treat for lunch.

Lidian said...

Bill - That is odd, because I am seeing your comments (and they are fab as always)...

Paul - Good one! :)

Tori - Yeah, because you can already guess the menu.

Maureen - Your grandmother sounds just like mine!

C - Thanks, it is fun to see what I can think up. For me, anyway! :)

Melanie - We'll just go to Alice's for tea and cookies, maybe. And make sure she hasn't been at the gravy.

Patricia - You know, I still see this in the store (not this brand, though).