Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Modocrylic Van Dyke Show

Where to begin?

This was a little ad I found in the Old Farmer's Almanac for 1972 - and perhaps the old farmers thought that this was an exciting and romantic look - the fake dark whiskers and light hair. The look that says: I do not look impressive - anytime.

If that isn't exciting and romantic, well, I don't know what is.

The old farmers must have been having some wild "mood times," because one of the big pluses of this stuff is that you can take it on and off really fast. What are they planning to do, rob banks?

The wig people are in a bossy "mood time": "Send for Mustache, Sideburns and Van Dyke at once!" No "please," nothing! Send for it all and send away now, you Old Farmers! It is made of Modocrylic, after all - there's nothing more mod, or more plasticky, than that. And that's a good thing.

And check out the name of the company - the Masculiner Company. If you buy all this terrible trashy hairy false wiggy stuff, you will become - more masculiner. Well, laughable, too. But that''s a small price to pay.

15 comments:

Lin said...

Oh geesh, that reminds me of my "Mod Ken" doll that I had back in the 70's!! He was fab and ALL the Barbies wanted him. He had this kit (like this one advertised) of fake mustache, side-burns, goatee, beard, etc. that you could stick on his face. It was great for the first 100 applications and then his face was all sticky from the faux-facial hair. Then lint started sticking to him and Barbie's dresses, her hair, miscellaneous dust bunnies, you-name-its. He wasn't so fab after awhile.

I wonder if the farmers had the same problem?

tim h said...

It's pretty clear to me that this is a secret voodoo trick: "...or send a sample of your hair."

Tori Lennox said...

But they're not just fake beards & mustaches, they're DELUXE fake beards & mustaches! I'm sure that makes all the difference.

Or not.

I can't help thinking this should have been in another magazine and got put in the almanac by mistake.

Da Old Man said...

I remember those ads. Even thought about sending away so I would look older and masculiner.
:)

Lidian said...

Lin - It does look as if this was based on the Ken doll.

Tim - That is disturbing indeed...ugh! Didn't see that at first.

Tori -Oh, but there are some terrible ads in this almanac, really unspeakably awful! :)

Da Old Man - It's good that you didn't, though! :)

Amy said...

you know what's really creepy? I remember my dad in the 70's looking just like that *shuddder*

Crystal Raen said...

lol. Well despite the "hair" on his face not matching the hair on his head at least it is all one color. My hubby's natural goatee has every color listed there in it. :-) very rainbowish as far as facial hair goes...LOL. enjoyed reading this as always!

KiKi said...

Dude...I totally want this!!! I want to order one in every color. I love the picture of the guy with the beard that doesn't even match his hair color.

Very nice!!!

Bill said...

I'm speechless. Well, not quite, but it sounded good. Is this company still in business? Because this would be great when I have an impulse to be masculiner than the next door neighbor.
The guy in the ad seems to be getting a kick out his hirsute accessories. Maybe he thinks now we won't notice that his illustrator can only draw two right eyes.

Lidian said...

Amy - It just looks so 70s, doesn't it?

Crystal - And often it is the reverse of the pic, the hair is dark and the beard comes in grey...

KiKi - I just want to know why it is so crucial that the thing comes on andoff in such a hurry!

Bill - The people in these ads always do look so awfully pleased..

Frogs in my formula said...

Oh oh oh I want to order it! I love the name of the company. Priceless.

ettarose said...

Oh I am not too sure men should order this. I mean what if the women you were dating did not know it was fake (It is the deluxe one after all) Can you imagine the look on her face when she sees she is sporting new hair where hair is not supposed to be?

Lidian said...

Frogs in my Formula - It really is a great company name!

ettarose - I certainly would not want to have a date turn up at my door with this on his face...

VintageGent said...

This is especially for those episodes of a show where a character has an evil twin.

Lidian said...

VintageGent - That would be a perfect use for this, yes.