Thursday, March 19, 2009

Before And After Fruit Salt

All happy families are alike
It says in Anna Karenina;
I guess that means they all must use
This effervescent enema:

Bold Eno synthesizing fruit
So brazenly with salt!
Some people think it strange and gross
And turn instead to malt.

This Eno might be Brian, then:
For here's the same reliance
On text and image weird and odd,
Before and After Science -

O music critics gather round
And see the tense grow placid!
For Brian's cured their GI tracts
With magical antacid!

And nothing will alarm this bunch,
Not protein, carb or fat;
They'll feast on roast behemoth now,
And end with King's Lead Hat.

[Another ad straight from the basement floor joists, from 1950. I really like this Eno's ad - and I really like Brian Eno...I thought about writing a parody of "King's Lead Hat" but I'll save that for another time. He wrote some other parody-worthy, and catchy, songs, too.]


Hairball said...

Gosh, these dull headaches and upsetting loginess are so bothersome to me. I wonder what could be causing my dismay? I've only been constipated since 1989 so it surely couldn't be that, could it?? Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt anything if I went ahead and took some of ENO's Fruit Salt.

*Suddenly, a loud KABOOM! is heard from the bathroom*

Golly gee, I guess it was constipation! My loginess and dull headaches are a thing of the past! Thank goodness for ENO's Fruit Salt!!

Tori Lennox said...

"Fruit salt"? I have a sudden urge to gag and make rude faces....

Bill said...

I tried to be discreet while climbing Tiger Mountain, looking down at another green world while waiting for the warm jets...
but somehow
no matter before science or
I never seemed to
take enough
to appreciate Mister Eno.

So sorry, Brian Ennui.

Lidian said...

Hairball - I read somewhere recently that an overwhelming (and I do mean overwhelming!) number of old remedies were for constipation...It could explain a lot about Victorian history. Maybe.

Tori - Yes, it does not sound delicious.

Bill - That is very good, especially since I gather you find Mr. Eno not-so-effervescent - ennuyant, in fact! I listened to before and After Science for a whole semester in college (via my roommate's stereo, it was about 100 yrs ago and that's what we had) and I really liked it. Had a lot of fun reconnecting with it (him? them?) on YouTube last night...

The Exaggerator said...

I believe there was a much similar product called Sal Hepatica ("for the smile of health") about the same time the Eno's Fruit Salt ad ran.

And worth doting on sometime would have to be Crazy Water Crystals (as in the Crazy Well of Mineral Wells, Texas), as advertised on those high-powered "border-blaster" radio stations of yore, complete with such outrageous claims as suggested that constipation and faulty elimination were to blame for numerous other, unrelated, ailments.

(But then again, there were those who thought Crazy Water Crystals were really a coy repackaging of Glauber's Salts, used in veterinary medicine.)

HumorSmith said...

I really don't think salt will help me. Perhaps some fiber?

~~louise~~ said...

Probiotics anyone? Sparkling!

Lidian said...

Exaggerator - Dear old Sal Hepatica! I wrote a post about that stuff not too long ago. Oh, and Andrews' Liver Salts (I need to haul that over from WordPress). The Crazy Water Crystals sound like my kind of retro thing, have made a note to look out for them. Thank you! :)

HumorSmith - Fiber's good, too.

louise - I like sparkly things, also probiotics. I am pro-probiotics!

A. said...

I haven't seen Enos around in years, but I looked it up and it's still on sale. One of the links took me to Amazon, where it is listed under Discreet Purchases. Does it have an alternative use, I wonder?

Lidian said...

A.- I don't know. It would probably make a good cleanser, or something.