Friday, March 27, 2009

Bouquet De Milwaukee

"She appears in a halo of exquisite fragrance."

That's why they can't see those fangs on her, or the look in her eyes. She blinded them with olfactory science, that's what.

Also, she is also packing some "glowing vibrant lipstick," which helps to knock out her victims with "irresistible lip lure." It emits invisible rays, no doubt.

There's something quite terrifying behind her - either a hat veil or her dark wolf-like doppelgänger. Whatever it is, it looks like it's ready for a little snack. And when its blood sugar starts dropping, it isn't going to be in a good mood (and don't we all know what that's like!).

Later on, she will put all her new admirers in the dungeon, which is cleverly concealed behind the fake wall in her boudoir. Seriously, does this not look just like a horror movie poster?

Now if you can't locate this exquisite stuff at the drugstore, you might like to make your own. And I have just the retro business opportunity for you:

Popular Mechanics Mar 1948 Profitable Occupations Eau de Milwaukee

Well, we can see that perfume is profitable! I just want to know how Mr. Schneider thinks we are going to make an exotic "Bouquet de Orient" with "no equipment." Also, he is not even in the Orient. Last I heard, Milwaukee is not in Asia. So this really is going to take some devious trickery. I have a feeling that Vampirella will know just how to do it.

Advertisement (1936) from Duke University's Ad Access. Classified ad from Popular Mechanics, March 1948.

16 comments:

Hairball said...

Well, we can see that perfume is profitable! I just want to know how Mr. Schneider thinks we are going to make an exotic "Bouquet de Orient" with "no equipment."

Well, you will need some equipment but nothing fancy. Here's what you do:

1)Locate a large ceramic bowl.
2)Go out in public and sniff people.
3) Ask the ones who smell good to sweat in your bowl.
4) When your bowl is full, go home and bottle in whatever containers you have. Old mayonnaise jars, pill bottles, soft drink bottles, etc...
5) Place ad in local advertising that your luscious blend is now for sale.
6)Wait for the cash to roll in.

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

Well, I'm game for that irresistible perfume stuff. At my age, I need all the help I can get (just don't tell the Mister about the men in the secret dungeon...he's already asking questions about the strange noises coming from the wall).

Kellie said...

Love the ad! It was so risque for that time period! I need some irresistible perfume. :)

Tori Lennox said...

The perfume ad is creepy!

And I'm thinking English is not Schneider's first language given the awkwardness of "manufacture at home exotic perfume".

Thinkinfyou said...

I think I would have bought it.I sort of like the mysterious look of the woman in the ad.

Lidian said...

Hairball - I think I'll try and make my fortune some other way, thanks!

Dr Julie-Ann - LOL! I need all the help I can get too, but I'll probably stick to Chanel...

Kellie - It was risque, but then the 30s were (are?) a goldmine of strange ads.

Tori - That's a very good point, I hadn't noticed his language issues (I was too freaked out by that lady)

Thinknfyou - I am very curious about what it was really like - I wonder if it was truly irresistible?

ceemee said...

Men sure like mysterious women! I am sure they will find her quite irresistible. She'll have a grand collection of men in her hidden dungeon. I guess that's why there were more women than men.

Cookie Brochette said...

Why does that woman in the ad have a large spider crawling up the side of her face?! ~gasp~ Is she irresistible to arachnids too?! :-/

Lidian said...

ceemee - Yes, she has quite a collection, I'm sure.

Cookie - Probably.

dual monitors said...

classic...

Lidian said...

dual monitors - Thank you, it is a good one. Those folks at Duke U have some terrific ads.

Shay said...

Oh come on, you could make it in East Milwaukee.

A. said...

I think perhaps, before worrying about her lipstick or perfume, she should address the problem of the wrinkles on her neck.

Lidian said...

Shay - Maybe in the sequel.

A. - I have a good ad that addresses this, actually. It says that wrinkles in your face/neck are because you are not wearing a corset. I'll have to write that one up! :)

Bill said...

I hope one of her victims tells her about proper rouge application before she snuffs them out.

Lidian said...

Bill - It would be helpful - IF they were brave enough to mention it.