Monday, April 13, 2009

The Bronze Age

It's profitable, fun and free
This retro opportunity
Just send your address to LA
Start now, you must obey, they say.

And thus they will enlighten you
On how to bronze a baby shoe;
O glorious business - when you're done
You'll be both rich and having fun!

But though the head asks not for dough,
Don't be so sure he's in the know:
His source of fun and good advice
Has trouble spelling "metallize."

I do not like those little shoes,
I wish that they would just vamoose,
And toddle off some other place,
And take away that creepy face.

Why do these floating heads all work
Endorsing products for some jerk
Who wants to sell us retro trash
In order to amass some cash?

But worst of all, they send a shoe.
Where did they get that shoe all new?
Or what is worse, a worn-out one:
Not profitable and not fun.

12 comments:

mad said...

I didn't realize there was such a big market for bronzed baby shoes. I wonder if they include the smelter to, you know, melt the metal.

Kris said...

I had no idea I was missing out on this lucrative business opportunity!

Lyn said...

Sounds like just another Ponzi get rich quick scheme to me..how did Bernie miss this one?

Grace said...

I still have my "bronzed" baby shoes - they really need to be done, one shoelace has become untied. I wonder if anyone does this anymore?

Hairball said...

*clap clap*
Good poem, Lidian!!

I was just about to post the same question as Grace! Anybody know?

Bill said...

Why, you is turning into a real poet lariat, little lady!

This ad threw me into the Wayback Machine, because I remember visiting other people's homes as a child, and seeing these things on fireplace mantles, big ol' console TV sets, and bookcases. Sometimes next to the stalking ceramic black panther with green eyes.
My parents resisted the urge to "metalize" my shoes, but I do have them still (without bronze, tin, or gold-leaf). These bronzed things sure were popular, though.

Lidian said...

mad - I was wondering about the sort of equipment you'd need, too.

Kris - Wonderful, isn't it?

Lyn - If only he'd known!

Grace - I don't know...I remember this sort of thing being around in the 60s, not that my parents did it but I saw one somewhere, I think.

Hairball - I'll keep an eye out for this, I'd like to know too.

Bill - Aw, shucks :) Thank you...I have written quite a passel of poetry over the years ranging from the serious to the not-so (as you see). I prefer the not-so these days. I also like writing line-by-line parodies; in college, I did one of The Waste Land, all about college life. Oh, what a giveaway, if you were on my hall senior year! :)

Amy said...

hmm metalized baby shoes, I'm just thinking this sort of thing would be kinda perfect for those mothers who baby their grown up sons, that way if they had their baby shoes they would still feel their sons were babies, if that makes sense. I can't see the point in it myself tho...

Lidian said...

Amy - It would be tough to do with the sons' grown-up shoes, though! :)

The Fitness Diva said...

That just took me back! My parents had mine bronzed, and I remember them now! lol I guess that was a fad that quickly faded?

Anyway, don't let any of these new recession entrepreneur wannabes start getting any ideas! I can already see the new Entrecard widget for the "Baby Shoe Bronzing" blog! 'I'm bringin' bronzing back - Yeah!' ;)

Staci said...

My grandparents had my mom's baby shoes bronzed, and she wasn't born until the 50's. I remember them using them as a bookend on the bookshelf in the den. I guess it's better than sticking them in a box and gathering dust.

Lidian said...

The Fitness Diva - Oh, I really hope we don't see any of that kind of blog on EC! :)

Staci - That's true, they would make good bookends.