Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Caught Between the Sun and New York City

What to wear if you're a big dork tourist on the surface of the sun: a really ugly synthetic shirt teamed with a cheesy sort-of-matching tie. It's a Manhattan fashion! That must mean sophisticated. Only...they don't really have anything to do with New York City. It is the Canadian shirt company's clever, tricky name. (Where in Canada? Who knows. They're not telling!)

Now clearly these three are not actually in Manhattan, no matter what the shirtmaker wanted to suggest to us. Obviously they are somewhere out in space. In more ways than one, judging from their expressions.

The one on the far right is really stylish, what with the glasses he has stuck in his pocket. That's quite a fashion trend. And it must also be "sensible" to wear shirts and trousers so tight and plasticky that you are unable to move. That's right, just stand there. Try to look sophisticated.

Or at least like you know where you are and how you got there.

These guys may be wax figures who have escaped from Mme Tussaud's (they were in the Hall of Idiots) - but somehow, they have managed to not melt in the powerful rays of whatever galaxy's sun they are enjoying. In which case those shirts really do withstand hot temperatures.

This delightfully uncool ad is from Time magazine, June 1970.


Bill said...

Everything was plastic in the 70's. I don't know how I made it through that era in my formative years with even a scintilla of good taste.
Nik-nik shirts.
Wide, double-notched white belts (and matching shoes).
Textured polyester.
Acrylic sweaters.
Leisure suits in pastel colors.
Jumpsuits...for men.

On the bright side, the shirts in this ad will withstand the dryers at public laundromats, which only operate on the incinerate setting.

tim h said...

They could be standing on the edge of a scyscraper roof, their backs to the Hudson. New Jersey burns behind them.

Anonymous said...

Excellent title. Grabbed my attention right away...hope others will stop and read, instead of dropping and running. There's really a hall of idiots in Madame Tussaud's? Or was that an idiotic question? ;)

Mary Moore said...

Those guys are hot.

Shay said...

The spousal unit has been known to wear a short-sleeved shirt and a tie, in summer. Sigh.

(he's one of only two men in our church who wears a suit every Sunday).

bluecocktail said...

i wonder if they made raspberry red, lemon yellow, and orange-orange pantsuits for the ladiez....so they can match their dudes!

Tori Lennox said...

I'd be really leery of wearing a synthetic shirt on the sun. I'd be way too worried it would melt into my skin.

As for Manhattan, I suspect they're closer to Manhattan, Kansas than NYC.

Lidian said...

Bill - I remember the plastic 70s very well...lots and lots of synthetics. My favorite outfit was a navy top with matching bellbottoms - all synthetic and plasticky, but no matter. The incinerate setting was what we had on the dryers in the scary basement of our apartment building - best to set it on the only alternative, barely-dry.

tim h - That may have been Elizabeth, NJ. I remember driving past it many times, and it was (back then, anyway) a bit orangey.

unfinishedrambler - Best to grab the reader while we can, as you know (and do). I don't know about Mme Tussaud's; if there isn't, there really ought to be (PS I'm pretty sure there isn't, so we ought to work on this)

Mary - Oh, aren't they just?

Shay - But not in these colors, I'll bet.

bluecocktail - They might have done, I'll keep a lookout for evidence.

Tori - I think those shirts are already stuck to them, and they are just realizing it. Hence the frozen yet panicky looks.

Mags said...

I'm frightened - what if Mad Men hops, skips and jumps to 1970?

Hairball said...

LMAO *wipes eyes to continue*

I live in a place where a summer day that only reaches 85 is a rarity. Still, I hate with the intensity of a 1000 suns seeing a man wear a short sleeved shirt with a tie. Luckily, DH agrees with me.

There are pictures floating about of my grade school years back in the 70's, where I am wearing some PLAID (not just plaid, there is a difference!) ensembles that are just eye searing.

Frogs in my formula said...

Is it just me or does the guy on the left look like he needs to exhale really bad?

Beth said...

Whooeee, those are some stunning shirts! You know, the guy in the middle reminds me of Patrick Warburton (Puddy from Seinfeld). ;)

Margo said...

Fortunately even my husband and his chem engineer homies who are so gung ho about plastic stopped wearing these a few years ago. That slim cut is painful to watch.

Lidian said...

Mags - Let's hope it doesn't.

Hairball - I have some eye-searing class photos from that era too. It really does hurt to look at them! :)

Frogs - Yes, he has been holding his breath for some time. That shirt is three sizes too small, like the Grinch's heart.

Beth - Yeah, he does look like Puddy! Only Puddy would not wear this sort of thing...I hope.

Margo - It is. And i don't think these guys would be able to jam pocket protectors in their pockets, those shirts are WAY too tight for that.

Beth said...

Lidian, I don't know. Puddy did wear that 8-ball jacket. These day-glow shirts wouldn't be much of a stretch for him. ;)

Lidian said...

Beth - Oh yeah, you're right. And he's a face painter! :)