Sunday, March 29, 2009

Frazzle Dazzle

This girl looks far too put-together to illustrate what it means to be worn to the proverbial frazzle. Her hair is brushed, for one thing. And she's wearing makeup and the mascara is not raccooned all around her eyes.

Leaning on one hand and pouting a little is all very well, but it is not what I think of when I hear the word frazzled. You know how they play music to get models in a perky mood for photo shoots? Well, this is what needs to happen before this photo shoot:

1. Start cooking a five course meal which involves lots of chopping, measuring, stirring and general fussing. At least three of the courses need to be cooked at the same time, both on the stove and in the oven.

2. The phone will ring at least once every ten minutes. It is not a cordless phone because this is 1966.

3. A few small children will be hired to come into the kitchen at regular intervals. They will complain of hunger, thirst, boredom, and that someone is being mean to them. And that someone has spilled grape soda on the couch.

4. The TV in the next room will be on and audible. A series of obnoxious cartoons and tiresome variety shows will be on, with irritating, metallic laugh tracks. Get one of the children to keep turning the volume up.

5. A few cats will rush around the house very fast and knock over their water dish a few times. Then they will manage to get onto the kitchen table and start eating the main course.

6. Oh, and also there will be at least one key ingredient that she needs but is not in the house.

7. And finally, some unexpected company will start ringing the doorbell and calling out things along the lines of "Yoo hoo! It's us!" (Perhaps they are in search of some Jell-O).

8. Smoke begins to curl out of the stove and a pot boils over. The phone rings. The doorbell rings. Children begin to fight over the last of the grape soda. Loudly. And Soupy Sales, on TV, is instructing the children about how to send him Mommy's grocery money.

And now?

Now you can take the picture. And give that woman a dose of Chase's Nerve Food: it's what's for dinner!


Tori Lennox said...

Yeah, she doesn't look frazzled so much as bored. A bored Mrs. Peel from The Avengers. Without the leather catsuit.

RE Ausetkmt said...

Personally Speaking,
I think I could use some of that nerve food now. YIKES !

Kris said...

They should have used a picture of the mom I saw this morning. I picked my daughter up from a sleepover this morning. Only 5 girls slept over, but that mom looked FRAZZLED!

Better bring her back some nerve food.

Venom said...

I've been taking the nerve food for years now & can attest to it's powers.
Except nowadays they call the nerve food 'Xanax'. Go figure.

Lidian said...

Tori - She does look like Emma Peel after a moderately tough case.

RE - Yikes indeed!

Kris - It makes a nice Mother's Day present, I hear.

Venom - Oh, well. That explains a lot.

Lidian said...

Venom - I didn't mean it explains a lot about you...just in a general sense :)

bluecocktail said...

nerve food? she needs crystal meth!

KiKi said...

Next to the word "Frazzled" in the dictionary is a picture of me. No joke. :-P

redkathy said...

Seems to me this "Nerve food" contains some clogging essentials that would definitely make you feel frazzled, which could be the case with this lady.

Lidian said...

bluecocktail - I don't think Dr. Pierce would approve!

KiKi - Me too.

redkathy - In that case, you follow with a liver salts chaser. Yum!

Bill said...

I ♥ me some Emma Peel!!! But this gal is a far cry from Mrs. Peel.

You were in top form when you wrote this one, Lidian! I'm still grinning. I was at a convention in Williamsburg this weekend, and I missed my daily dose of Kitchen Retro & I couldn't find any Eno's Fruit Salts as a substitute.

Lidian said...

Bill - I'm an Avengers fan too (that is to say, an Emma fan, as she WAS the show)...And thank you! I always look forward to your comments, too - they are way better than Eno's, or Andrews for that matter :)

Cookie Brochette said...

I wonder if I could get some nerve food now? I'm feeling a little frazzled. I'd better see my druggist.

Lidian said...

Cookie - I wonder what the druggist takes when he or she is frazzled?

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

I just checked--the alcohol-based Geritol is no longer available. I'm guessing Dr. Chase's Nerve Food tonic had the same "foundation" that Geritol had. All those tea-totaling women getting snockered on these tonics.

I should start having daily cocktails and call them "nerve food."

Lidian said...

Dr Julie-Ann - Maybe I can call Harvey's Bristol Cream my nerve food! And I didn't know that Geritol had been alcohol based - I remember all the old commercials for it. No wonder everyone looked so happy.