Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Accidental Investigator

If you are an amateur man, you can change that in a hurry. You can learn to be expert in the Ways of Guys.

Plus you can become the Sam Spade of your social circle. That too.

Men are urgently needed to interview women sitting up in bed, simpering. What sort of accident would this be? One waiting to happen, no doubt. That guy in the picture isn't even taking any notes. Maybe he's sketching her. Or doodling. I don't know what's going on here, but it isn't professional and it certainly isn't any kind of investigation.

But the FREE book will reveal all: the highly inflated projected income, the empty promises of a company car and expense account. And you don't really need to study much or leave your house to get all this, either. You could just have a nice nap in the Barcalounger while you train for this high-powered new career. I guess your cat could do it, too. Maybe you two could team up and become cartoon detectives.

A classic scam ad with more trimmings than a turkey dinner from a 1964 Startling Detective. Your first case is to find the identity of the big turkey in the dinner. First try searching the mirror over by the Barcalounger.

18 comments:

Hairball said...

I think they are discretely recruiting *whispers* male escorts. LOL

Tori Lennox said...

My first thought was that the ad was geared towards women, urging THEM to become professional men. LOL!

And the chick in bed looks more like she's angling for a husband than hoping for an insurance check.

Lidian said...

Hairball - With the ads in Startling Detective, that is always a distinct possibility!

Tori - She looks professional, too, come to think of it.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

ANd maybe when he's had enough talking, he can just lie down there beside her and have himself a wee nap.

Wendy said...

Hairball, you crack me up.

Sex & cars have always sold for men, huh?

It's nice to know there's still (say it with me) NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN.

Michael said...

This ranks up there with the "Learn To Be A Magician" and "X-Ray Glasses" sort of thing in comic books from that era. But blow me down, those were the days!!!...er, I think.

Bill said...

I'll bet he's interviewing her about the exact days & hours her husband is away at work.

Don't be cynical about working at home. This ad comes from Department 646 at United Schools, 1626 Glendale in Orlando FL, which is a little ranch home smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood, so obviously the school's staff work at home. They probably take naps, too, after they wash the white pick-up truck out front.
You can take a look here:
http://maps.google.com/maps?ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tab=wl

The Exaggerator said...

And you'll never guess who one of the instructors is: None other than Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar, retired after a generation of being The Man with the Action-Packed Expense Account, America's Fabulous Freelance Insurance Investigator ...

(Perhaps the best such to play the role on radio was, IMHO, Bob Bailey, who voiced the role from 1955-60. Especially so the daily quarter-hour version as aired in the 1955-56 season, whence the story stretched out over the course of a week.)

Amy said...

So does that mean if a man is working as let's say an advertising exec he's not a professional?

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

I love the part that the training is so simplified that no special education is needed.

Here's sneak peak:

Step 1: Follow ambulance to scene of accident
Step 2: Take photographs
Step 3: Ask questions
Step 4*: Turn over information to insurance company

*Blackmailing lessons are available for $3500 and can be learned in your spare time.

EntrePod said...

see what I don't understand is who is gonna investigate the Men, if They are looking for Men ?

I may be reading too much into this one because now my head is hurting and the room is spinning. is this a blanca debree repost ?

shucks, this crazy entrepod I gotta take a day off - no-drop day 10april-friday, we feedin the Pod Chickens

RE Ausetkmt said...

hey the comments are a story in themself. good work Lidan.

Lidian said...

Mary - I think that's part of his plan.

Wendy - Yes, that's so true. There's a definite theme to the ads in this sort of magazine.

Michael - It makes you wonder who was buying all this stuff.

Bill - That's probably exactly what he's asking. But he looks too tired to write it down (nap time!)...And thanks for the link.

The Exaggerator - He probably stars in some of their other ads...I found one with a photo illustration that's quite funny, maybe it is Johnny D.

Amy - Not as professional as these guys, no.

Dr. Julie-Ann - Yes, you have to pay extra for the lessons in blackmailing, as you say! lol

EntrePod - Maybe the women are investigating the men?

RE - I agree. The comments are unfailingly fabulous, always. Best part, I think.

Phyl said...

I kind of got stuck at the beginning, on the thought of how one would be an "amateur man." Actually, no, that doesn't surprise me at all. What surprises me is how many of them I know.

Cookie Brochette said...

I have no interest in accident investigators, but everyone could use a "professional man!"

Lidian said...

Phyl - I did too. I kept thinking about Mae West rewriting this ad - hey Mae, where are you?! (I think she comments more on VDM actually)

Cookie - They sure could! :)

Llama llama, Not yo mama said...

I'm from Orlando, FL originally and this had me in stitches. I google-mapped it. Turns out the address is in a residential area. :) I see Bill beat me to it. I'm dying laughing. And I was able to access the property tax records and find out who the original owners were. I wonder... Did they know someone was running a scam out of their home? Are they still alive? Hmmmmmm

Lidian said...

Llama - Wow, you are quite a detective yourself! No need for a study-at-home course...That is really cool. Thank you for checking up and please let us know if you find out anything else! :)