Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Eleven Minute Blonde

Anyone older than 42 is out of luck, and anyone younger than two - is lucky. That's the way this powdered hair dye works! You must be between those ages. Because by the time you're two, well - you'd better start thinking about how your hair's darkening. That's no good! That would be "old-looking." Of course, so's a toddler with a Jean Harlow peroxide job, but no matter...

So here's Blondex, a "fragrant powder" (oh goody, it doesn't stink!). Apparently those of us whose blonde hair darkened as they got older have a "dingy, dust-laden film" that Blondex will remove. This is akin to the men's Grecian-Formula type things that "restore your natural color" or "comb away grey." It isn't your true destiny to have dark blonde or light brown hair! You must lighten and brighten. Starting almost as soon as you have a full head of hair!

The two year old looks skeptical. She's the brains of the operation. She is also thinking that the 12 year old's bow is mighty silly. She may have to grab it.

The twelve year old has Blondexing for ten years, I guess. The frozen happy-face is a just a side effect. As is a desire to be the new 1940s model Shirley Temple.

The elderly-looking 22 year old is the happiest one of the bunch. She loves that Blondex all right. Her hair is unwaveringly blonde and can withstand a hurricane. That's happiness all right.

Finally, the 42 year old is - well, kind of thinking things over. She hasn't got much time left to be happy and blonde. Enjoy it while you can, once you hit 43 it'll be all over.

*****
I am very thrilled and pleased to tell you (hanging head modestly) that Kitchen Retro has been chosen as a SlogBite Featured Site. SlogBite is a terrific community of bloggers run by the amazing Mel Kaye, and I highly recommend that you go and check it out. There are lots of wonderful bloggers hanging out over there and it is a beautifully run place.

18 comments:

LOOKING4ANCESTORS said...

Greetings Lidian,
Whew! What a relief to know that I am still within the appropriate age range to use Blondex. Now I will never have an excuse to have that "dingy, dust-laden film" on my hair ever again. This is exciting because I can "keep that just-shampooed look for a whole week"! LOL!
Kathryn

Hairball said...

Lidian,
Congrats on being featured by SlogBite! Whoot Shimmy Shimmy Whoot!

This product confuses me. The ad says that it lightens, which to me implies a bleaching action, yet they say it's safe for a 2 year old!?!

Me-Me King said...

Dang, I missed out! But, that's okay, it probably wouldn't cover the gray....sheeesh.

SlogBite said...

Lidian,

Thanks for the shout-out. What give me that glow-all-over feeling is when I can bring my members new readers not meaningless traffic.

Babs-beetle said...

Oh is that where I went wrong then? My white blond hair (as a toddler) is dark brown (and grey) now. I didn't use Blondex - Ahhh! but I did wear those daft bows in my hair. I will be posting a short video soon, showing those very bows!

Congratulations on being Slogbite's featured site - well deserved :)

Tori Lennox said...

I guess I should be happy I'm too old for this stuff....

I notice, however, we don't have a photo of the 32 year old. Did she wise up and ditch her box of Blondex?

Max said...

Hi Lidian,

Congratulations for being the featured site of the week, at SB :D!

Let me see what you are offering us...

"The two year old looks skeptical. She's the brains of the operation." - LOL LOL LOL this is great!

"The twelve year old has Blondexing for ten years, I guess. The frozen happy-face is a just a side effect." - ROFL....ROFL...*hand on stomach laughing*!

"The elderly-looking 22 year old is the happiest one of the bunch." - she does look happy! Perhaps Blondex gave her a whole new hope of becoming the next Marilyn Monroe...who knows?

"Finally, the 42 year old is - well, kind of thinking things over. She hasn't got much time left to be happy and blonde." - LOL LOL...

Ah, I had fun with this post, thanks!

Congrats, once again and have a great day!

Cheers

Contrariwise said...

Did you notice that it says "keeps that just-shampooed look for a whole week"!

Ewwwwwwww!

Lidian said...

Kathryn - Yes, that is good news! Sadly, I am 4 years too old for it! :)

Hairball - Thank you, I was quite excited to see my mailbox this morning...I think they must be nuts, that can't be safe for a 2 yr old.

Me-Me - I guess we'll have to find other avenues to hair nirvana.

SlogBite - Indeed you can and do, Mel! You are the best! :)

Babs - I look forward to that video! :) I didn't wear bows but did get subjected to those thick cottony ribbons that were like twisted rope, but soft - anyone remember those? They came in all different colors. I disliked them in my hair.

Tori - Yeah that's an excellent question! Where is the 32 year old?

Max - Thank you, I had fun with it too.

Contrariwise - Yes, that was a bit horrifying! I wrote about an ad for dry shampoo called, alas, Minipoo - from the same era. It reminded me of that, sort of. Ew.

Kris said...

Goodness, I'm 43. I sure hope I don't look as old as that 42 yr old.

Hairball said...

Lidian wrote: I didn't wear bows but did get subjected to those thick cottony ribbons that were like twisted rope, but soft - anyone remember those? They came in all different colors. I disliked them in my hair.

I remember those! They would come untwisted and get all ratty looking. My mom would fix my hair in doggie ears, ( two side ponytails) and tie them up with ginormous bows of the dreaded things.

Kris,
You look marvelous! I really think Ms. 42 is *small voice* lying about her age.

Judy said...

THAT'S IT! My hair is dust-laden. And all along I thought it was getting gray. Too much smog, I suppose. Do they still make Blondes? Hmmm, a powder, mixed with water...that could be tragic...you should see my gravy! I'm not good at mixing dry ingredients with anything. Not only would I be dust-laden, I could possibly be lumpy as well!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Well, now I know what to do when my hair starts to get dusty...

Amy said...

11 minute hair dye shampoo? wow that's not long to dye one's hair. Gosh if only that's how long it took now adays, I did mine this morning and it took over an hour and it wasn't blonde that's for sure, more like covering those grays.

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

Well, I'm 48 and don't need no stinking Blondex *harumph* I'm a natural blonde and I can prove it. It says so right here on the box of L'Oreal (because I'm worth it). Natural Blonde 9 1/2.

I remember those yarn bow things. Fortunately, they would slip right off of my baby fine hair within minutes so I wasn't subjected to them like poor Hairball.


PS: Congrats on the recognition! You deserve it!

Lidian said...

Kris - Women always looked older back then, I think it was the heavy makeup and formal clothing.

Hairball - I had the very tight single ponytail, or the half-ponytail. It was bothersome.

Judy - Unless they use cornstarch, of course, as a base.

Mary - Yes indeed!

Amy - It does take way more than 11 minutes.

Dr Julie-Ann - My friend in college used to pin those yarn things on the wall lengthwise and hang earrings on them, which was probably the best thing to do with them.

Bill said...

Dang! I was sold on the possibility of having a just-shampooed look for a whole week, but I'm too old!

Lidian said...

Bill - You and me both!