Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Love Song of J. Alfred Dishcloth

Let us go then, you and I
When the evening is spread out like some groovy guy
Trying to act mod in front of the fire,

Let us find a certain dark suburban lair
With brick fireplace and not a single chair:
A boring evening full of cheap white wine,
Followed by a compulsion to malign,
Ending up later in a tedious argument
About the laundry and the rent;

Such that you in a red caftan
And him in a sort of half-tan
Are staring at some overwhelming tschotcke

Oh do not ask, what is it?
It's an ashtray or a trivet.

Somewhere in space, about to fall
Off the yellow dishwasher is a box of All.


Hairball said...

'All' makes ( or did make) a dishwasher detergent in Canada? I've only seen the laundry version here in the US. I guess the folks at 'All' like you guys better than us! LOL

I've figured out what they are looking at. They found a bottle of ENO's fruit salt under their couch.

KiKi said...

LOVE THIS. And that is sheer poetry, you.

Looks like a fake barrel coffee mug. haha.

jan said...

In the room the women come and go,
Laughing at Mike and Angie Lowe.

Relax Max said...

Ah, yes, "a compulsion to malign." Only Lidian would rhyme that with "wine." How about "Malinger"? Anybody?

Malinger Malinger Mo linger bananer baner bo linger fee fi fo linger. Malinger!


Me-Me King said...

What? LOL! I never new a dishwasher detergent could spark romance. This is hilarious!

feefifoto said...

Oh, I just love your site. i just stumbled this post because it's so darn funny.

Lidian said...

Hairball - I guess they used to make All in Canada, maybe they still do but I haven't noticed. This is from the late 60s (I was in NYC then, oblivious to laundry)

KiKi - Thank you..I wasn't really sure what it was, but it seems to be quite mesmerizing, doesn't it?

Jan - That's very good; I reckon they are! LOL!

Max - Well, I do like the word 'malign' so whenever I get the chance I use it. It's a fun word.
And so is 'malinger': "She really wanted to avoid doing laundry, so malingered in front of the TV with a sherry until bedtime."

And so Pa & the dear little children did the laundry instead. Score! :)

Me-Me - Yes, and they are so thrilled about their romantic interlude, as you see. That, or totally smashed. Either or.

RE Ausetkmt said...

oh no you did not just use both
half-tan and tschotski in the same post.

sweet minty jesus, you have taken me down today; oh yes you have.

I am taking the rest of the day off. (smdh) I will informing my readers it was because of this overwhelming panjandram of conundrance that I was beklempt;

Oye Vey..

Anonymous said...

I would rhyme wine and malign as often as possible. I wouldn't need a chair to malign though, not when maligning down in front of a fire.

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

Not to malign, but I'm just curious...why would the dishwasher be in the laundry room?

Mine's in the kitchen, which seems more practical.

nonamedufus said...

Tschotcke? Loved it. Very clever.

Lidian said...

RE - I am glad that it inspired you to take a short holiday! :)

A. - I like to sit down with a glass of wine and then get on with maligning (and malingering).

Dr. Julie-Ann - Actually I am not sure where that dishwasher is. It seems to be floating in space.

nonamedufus - Thank you :)

Cookie Brochette said...

The ad says that, with a dishwasher, I can spend less time being a housewife and more time being a woman. Wow! So...dishwasher = more sex??

Cookie Brochette said...

OK, wait. I just read about the bed lamp-radio. I'm a little behind.

So bed lamp-radio + dishwasher = big fun and more sex?! These gals sure knew how to live!

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

You're RIGHT! It IS kind of floating, isn't it. Kind of reminds me of that Star Trek episode where that floating computer-satellite thingy followed Captain Kirk around.

How can you have more fun when you've got a dishwasher following you around? No *wonder* the All is about to fall off!

Lidian said...

Cookie - Not with these two, I fear.
Maybe if they have the Bed-Lamp Radio...

Dr. Julie-Ann - You were right, I think I may have misread that in my morning grogginess... the dishwasher does not live in the laundry room! So I fixed it up a little. I don't know if that's a kitchen exactly, though.

The Ebon Swan said...

Ok, now you're freakin' me parents had that exact dishwasher. LOL

Anonymous said...

I like that advertisement...

Lidian said...

Ebon Swan - I can understand that, since I have another ad (not posted yet) which shows the exact oven we had when we moved into our house years ago - a lovely Harvest Gold number from the 70s. It was very odd to see it with a happy retro lady pretending to cook on it.

Lidian said...

Grace - So do I! Duke U has some really funny ads tucked away in their collection. I love seeing one unexpectedly, it's such a good laugh! :)

Patricia Rockwell said...

I do love your poetry! Isn't the ad somewhat more recent than your usual examples? It's fine if it is. I'm just curious.

Lidian said...

Patricia - Thanks, and it is from 1969 or thereabouts...I try not to go later than about 1979, at least for now (and no earlier than about 1930, usually).

Phyl said...

It's pretty grim when "antiques" start being things you remember personally, I tell you what.

Or, I've heard.

Meanwhile -- brilliant poem!

Relax Max said...


Lidian said...

Phyl - Yes it does. Like LPs, and rotary-dial phones; when I talk about these things to my kids it makes me feel quite ancient (therefore I don't do it that often!)

Max - ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Ebon Swan... of course they did. Where do you think YOU came from???

BTW - I didn't realize Colin Firth was old enough to star in advertisements this old... he looks just the same in this ad as he did in "Pride and Prejudice"! Yummy!