Friday, April 3, 2009

A Wooden Performance

Results guaranteed! Yes, something will happen. In either 60 or 90 days. Who knows what it'll be. But - something...

Mr. Maher guarantees many things. You will Make Money! Be Popular! Have Fun! Big Opportunity! And you will be the next Edgar Bergen, no doubt about it, soon you'll have your own radio show, TV series, be in the movies! Look how happy you could be, smiling maniacally, giving a creepy wooden mannequin the opportunity to do his (or your) Don Rickles impression. I can imagine how popular you will be, having this kind of fun.

But you will be very happy (even if no one in your house is). And very successful. Though your stage appearances may well be limited to Eddie's Banquet Hall over by the railroad tracks. And as for the radio, you might be broadcasting from the attic using one of these.

Now, for FREE Mr. Maher will send you his price list and his "terms"(which sounds ominous) - what a bargain. The Dummy Catalog is going to set you back a quarter, but who wouldn't want a Dummy Catalog? It would be such a great conversation piece, even if you didn't agree to Maher's "terms." You do have to be of legal age, though. Maybe it has to do with the jokes. That does sound fun!

But wait...which one is Mr. Maher? - the cheery bespectacled Babbitt on the right - or the wooden guy on the left? I'll bet is IS the the one on the left. One can only imagine what his "terms" are. He has a dangerous glint in his eye...

Advertisement from Popular Mechanics, November 1959.

11 comments:

David said...

This must be how Jeff Dunham got started.

Or was that Edgar Bergen?

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

Yeah, but will I get more Twitter Followers than I ever thought possible if I take the home study course and agree to Woodie's terms?

Hairball said...

Though your stage appearances may well be limited to Eddie's Banquet Hall over by the railroad tracks.

Hmmm. I think you might be shooting a bit high. Eddie's does have its standards to keep ya know.

Heather Cherry said...

I tried to throw my voice once but I didn't have the arm for it.

Tori Lennox said...

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like it ought to be REALLY easy to be a radio ventriloquist.

Lidian said...

David - Maybe both of them.

Dr. Julie-Ann - Of course you will! Guaranteed! :)

Hairball - That's a good point, Eddie's a classy fellow.

Heather - LOL!

Tori - Really, you shouldn't have to take a course, should you?

Cookie Brochette said...

The secrets, finally revealed?! Thank God!

Phyl said...

I swear, the title of this post alone was enough to make me burst into loud, cackling laughter.

Relax Max said...

I'll admit I was apathetic at first. But there are worse jobs and I've had many of them.

Relax Max said...

I am looking to buy an authentic WWII leather bomber jacket. Please let me know if you see any adverts from that era. Or if you think my logic is flawed.

Lidian said...

Cookie - I always want to know when secrets are being revealed!

Phyl - That's exactly how I reacted to this ad. And to the whole Popular Mechanics issue, actually.

Max - I've had worse jobs too. And I'll look out for leather bomber jacket ads.