Thursday, May 28, 2009

Kelp Yourself

So let's understand this. You will get a box of something that is better than, oh, say, imported Belgian chocolates, for example - plus you will lose a pound a day guaranteed. And you don't need to "cut down on food."

That really is an "amazing discovery of science"! Those scientists worked hard on this one, all right, ordering in dozens of pizzas and celebrating the birthdays of every scientist in history with daily cakes. And then everyone had a kelp chaser or two. What a lot of experimental chomping they must have done, just so we could have this Delicious Kelpidine Candy Plan!

Now, kelp does actually have some health benefits. It is high in iodine, and is used to treat goiter. And it stimulates the thyroid, which is why it is still used in some weight-loss supplements. I guess that was the idea here.

Still, I don't know how you would make the culinary equivalent of a champagne truffle out of it. But apparently if Kelpidine is not more yummy than your most favorite candy - they will return your money.

That being the case, I am surprised that they got to keep any money, really. Because somehow the words "delicious" and "Kelpidine" just don't go together. And I don't think what is happening to the lady waiting there on the scale is going to happen to anyone who isn't a line drawing. They always lose weight really fast, you know.

Kelpidine may be an early incarnation - or rival, depending on the date (which I don't know, I'm guessing late 60s to mid 70s) - of Ayds diet candy (from the 70s to the early 80s, chockful of benzocaine), because this racket calls itself the American Healthaids Company (Candy Division). I love that, don't you? They make health products and they have a Candy Division!

Oh, and by the way - you can buy Chinese kelp candy over here. Just in case you were curious. It doesn't claim to make you lose any weight, though.

Thank you so much to tmat1075 at Flickr for the ad.

10 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

So if you kept taking this stuff for up to a year, you could waste away to nothing. Unless you weighed 400 pounds or more, of course.

And I agree "kelp" and "delicious" just don't go together.

Bill said...

THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!...instead of being one fat person, you can become three people of varying sizes!

JD at I Do Things said...

I love the caption "This Can Happen To You" like it's a bad thing. WARNING: This can happen to you! Oh, I see the guy above me has already commented on this. Boo.

tim h said...

The funny thing is that there are still a million forms of this candy out in the world. I just saw something about a daytime TV show where there's a pyramid scheme that involves selling "oxidizing" chocolate candies that taste better than Jesus semen and make you lose a pound a week.

P.L. Frederick said...

They had me at Candy.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

Amy said...

hmm the only kelp I've seen is green obviously but it doesn't look yummy, maybe to a sea creature like spongebob it would

Hairball said...

Thanks for the link to the old Ayds candies! It brought back memories of finding a box of those in a kitchen cabinet back in the day. *grins*

Tikimama said...

Yeah, didn't poor Ayds quickly disappear after the mid-80s when AIDS became a household word? Guess nobody wants to lose weight that badly....

Lidian said...

Tori - Apparently. I think there is a lot of pseudoscience jargon in the text that I couldn't quite make out, but that's the gist of it.

Bill - With three different personalities...

JD - Yes, I always love the ones that inadvertently warn you off the thing they're selling.

tim h - This does not surprise me at all, except for the oxidizing part.

P.L. - lol! I know, I get interested when the topic of candy comes up :)

Amy - That's true...today they could have a tie-in to Spongebob.

Tikimama - Yes, that's right, that was the end of that - I remember seeing the Ayds ads in my mom's LHJs, but that was around 1970. It always sounded dubious to me. Like Figurines, they were wafer cookies. Slightly delicious, but not helpful.

Lidian said...

Hairball - It brought back the ads for me, I never found any in our kitchen...but I remember Figurines in the late 80s in Boston, like I was saying in the last comment.