Monday, May 11, 2009

Rained-On Wedding Cake Face

Just when we'd all thought we had it figured out, there's something else to worry about. If you're not worrying, they can't sell you anything, right? Well, let the folks at Spencer Corsets tell you a thing or two.

It isn't enough to worry, you see. You have to worry about the right thing! Suppose, for example, you are the lady in this Spencer Corset ad. You have been wasting your time and energy worrying about sagging face lines - and in the process of worrying, have been creating more and more lines. It's a vicious circle all right. Fret enough about wrinkles and you will soon look just like W.H. Auden, the poet who once likened his own face to a wedding cake left out in the rain.*

But your face isn't the trouble. The wrinkles are being caused by your saggy figure lines! Now don't you feel attractive? Clever, too. Oh, yes, it's Monday every day when you are floppy as a bag of gravel.

Spencer's fortunately has some "intelligent women" who can fit you for a girdle and make a study of your figure, which you must do right now without delay. "Stop experimenting!" they cry. Stop it right now, ladies. Using elastic bandages as waist cinchers and slapping on mud-pie mudpacks just isn't good for you.

In the coupon below Anne Spencer is kind enough to point out some specific flaws you might have: Bulging Hips, Bulging Abdomen, or even Lordosis Backline (which means swayback or saddle back). Just in case you were feeling OK about yourself today!

But never mind. Just stick on a Spencer's Corset and see how fast you perk up and your face gets smooth and maybe you will even be able to write a few poems, too.

This slightly off-center, indeed lordotic (hah!) scan is from Ladies' Home Journal, January 1936. Tomorrow I'll have a nice multi-colored advertisement that won't look as if it needed an editing version of the Spencer Corset.

More Spencerian tragedy over at The Corsetiere - that Anne Spencer loved talking about lordosis. And here's a Spencer ad on eBay - behind your back, you see, they're talking about your lousy back!

* Clearly, Auden didn't see this ad.


Relax Max said...

I can't help but notice there there was no mention in the entire ad that there was an alternative method of "reshaping" one's figure.

Spencer: your alternative to Jenny Craig.

Okay, I will admit to being unfair. Sometimes all a person needs is a figure reashaping rather than a figure reduction. Beats situps, I guess.

Hairball said...

Can I just wear a ginormous paper bag over my whole body?

Tori Lennox said...

That's the nice thing about the 1920s. No corsets!

Lidian said...

Max - And also, situps do nothing for that lordosis.

Hairball - Anne probably sells them, too.

Tori - Which is why people looked like they were having more fun in the 20s.

The Astral Cowboy said...

Good luck in the BoB. I still hope I win, though. :D

Lidian said...

Astral Cowboy - Am I in the BoB? Really? Are you sure? Good luck to you anyway, whether I am or not -