Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Soap Star

Excuse me, do I know you? Are you talking to me? Oh...I guess you are.

[Lady, please. The train is packed and it's hot and I can't move and I'm late for work...Please please don't start talking to me - oh, fine. Fine! Here we go!]

So... you married a madman. Got that. And you suspect that he is disturbed because he phones you from the office "just to say sweet nonsensical things."

Could you give me an example of these things? Does he speak in gibberish? Does he yodel? Imitate Bogart or possibly Alvin Chipmunk?

[That might be kind of fun, actually..]

And then, you say, he takes your hand in public and - does what? Oh, he tells you your hand is smooth - in "our private baby talk." Uh huh.

[Oh, wait a minute! I get it! You are bragging about this. And you attribute this complex, deep, incredible relationship to - to Ivory Soap. When oh when is the train going to get to my stop? I can't get away from this woman!]

Huh. Ivory Soap. Velvet suds, and it floats. Wow, that is amazing. And your husband - isn't he something. You are really lucky! And not only that, but you look exactly like Shelley Winters, did he ever mention that?*

No? Well, he probably hasn't got a good look at your face yet. He's still working the soft-hands angle. He may even think you're someone else altogether. Maybe he thinks you really are Shelley Winters.

Oh, that's my stop! It's been fun. No really, I have to go. Yes, you have wonderfully smooth hands! Yes! All right! Yes!

[And she says her husband's mad. Look who's talking!]

*It's possible that Shelley Winters actually did model for this ad. But I don't know. What do you think?

A thousand thanks to Heather for the ad! Photo of Shelley Winters from Life, 1949.

10 comments:

Tikimama said...

Really? Ivory Soap and soft hands - that's all I need to drive my husband wild? Who knew!

Kris said...

No, it was my sister-in-law who modeled for this ad. Looks just like her and that's even how her hands are when she talks. She even wears obnoxious hats! She doesn't shut up either - so I'm sure she's the model.

ciamismanis said...

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Relax Max said...

If only she knew what her husband at work did after he called her at home.

Speaking of Ivory soap - you heard that Ivory Flakes "spokesperson" Marilyn Chambers died recently? A bit off-topic, but sad to some of us. :)

Pfeng said...

Geesh, all that picture says to me is:

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"

Yowza.

Lidian said...

Tikimama - Back in the day, soap was like the superhero of toiletries! Palmolive, Cashmere Bouquet, Sunlight, oh and Ivory too, you name it, they could fix it.

Kris - Oh dear, I'm going to stay out of that one! Which is easy since I already am :)

ciamismamis - Thanks :)

Max - Yes, I heard but I didn't think it quite went with Shelley. Also, I was wondering if he is only saying he's calling from the office. How does she know? What we do know is that she hasn't taken any Be-A-Detective home courses, has she?

Tori Lennox said...

When I first looked at this ad, I thought Ivory Soap Chick had an Afro. What IS that big black bubble thing around her head???

Bill said...

Tori & I frequently think alike. I was thinking "weird hat or black cloud?"

Private baby talk in public makes me shudder.

TheSnackHound said...

Hmmm...maybe its a thought bubble. Instead of the halo in stained glass windows, this is the opposite. The little black cloud of doom instead of heavenly light.

But seriously, maybe she spiked the Ivory and he speaks all gaga over her because his brain is fried.

Lidian said...

Pfeng - Yowza indeed!

Tori - It is, I think, a terrible hat.

Bill - Yes, the baby talk would put me right off, too. Ugh.

The SnackHound - I do believe that their brains are fried, both of them.