Saturday, May 30, 2009

Weird Beautiful Gold Acid Test Ring

Buy this lucky ring and you too can be kissing someone inside a little heart, near a tiny bag of money. Also, a grizzled cowboy type will gesture at you in a threatening manner in the rays of the setting desert sun.

Sounds too good to resist, right?

This ring features a mysterious, "marvelously hued" Sun Stone. It is not made of a bit of the sun, but it symbolizes the sun's magic power over wealth, health and happiness. I didn't know it did all that. I guess more than the rain does, anyway. The rain just has the power to make people cranky, and their things wet and soggy. Actually, it might be fun to have a ring that captures that. You could wear one on each hand.

Anyway, this little stone symbolizes the sun. Not only that, but a pebble from my back yard symbolizes the Rocky Mountains and their mysterious power to draw celebrities in large unattractive sunglasses to pose in Aspen.

The ringmeister, Magnus (who Works in New York, apparently) knows a lot of "strange tales of lucky strikes, sudden good fortune in love, in games, and various undertakings." I want to know exactly what sort of undertakings we're talking about, Magnus. You wouldn't happen to be Albertus Magnus, would you?

No, couldn't be. I don't think Albertus Magnus made cheap jewelry - though he did supposedly discover the philosopher's stone. He also was supposed to have witnessed gold being made by transmutation. So maybe - just maybe - he had a hand in this. Somehow. Maybe. OK, probably not. He lived a thousand years or so before this ad came out, which is a problem. But you know that if there had been comic books and cheap magazines in the Middle Ages that this would have been totally up his alley.

And speaking of anachronisms...I also need to know what a "weird beautiful gold acid test ring" might be - and so do the Merry Pranksters and their friend Tom Wolfe. Perhaps that grizzled cowboy in the ad is really Neal Cassady. That would explain a few things.

Finally, let's not forget that we need to be instructed on "how to know and wear" the Lucky Gems. Really, Magnus thinks we need a lesson in how to put on a ring? Can anyone be that unlucky? If so, I don't think this is actually going to help all that much.

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This is one of the many terrific ads scanned into Wikimedia by Infrogmation, from Art and Beauty Magazine (1926) - thank you, Infrogmation!

9 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

Maybe it's just me but that ring looks kinda like a coiled up water hose.... or an extension cord.

Eric said...

Going out tonight, will this help me get lucky? hahahhahahahahaaa!!!

Can they hold it at 'Will Call'???

Kris said...

I'm thinking the instructions teach you how to capture the suns rays with that ring, thus being able to "blind" the person you are trying to do whatever with. Of course that would make you "all powerful" over them.

Lidian said...

Tori - It does, and yet I think it is supposed to be a snake. Don't know why, though.

Eric - Magnus can do anything, apparently! So I would say yes to both, lol

Kris - Yes it would! I never thought of that! And you'd be so popular too...

Relax Max said...

I don't see how you can joke about this powerful object of control.

Lidian said...

Max - That is because I like to live dangerously! :)

Hairball said...

I'm still pondering the "Gold Acid Test" bit!

Lidian said...

Hairball - Tom Wolfe needs to write a sequel.

Marcheline said...

Has anyone else noticed that the "stone" in the ring has the face of a garden gnome? I suspect this may be a predecessor of the Travelocity ads...