Monday, June 8, 2009

A Face Gone Sour

Joe, let's just get one thing straight: those are not hickies all over your face. The technical term is zits. Super, three-dimensional, frightening megazits.

And his friend just can't understand why he doesn't want to go out and meet "peaches" (i.e., cute girls):

Joe gives me a pain...Won't go anywhere because he's got a batch of hickies on his face.

Yeah, that's really tough to understand. Can't the friend go out by himself? And look, there's a girl right there anyway. She too seems surprised about what's bugging Joe.

How can this be a surprise to anyone in Joe's social circle?

The girl suggests that Joe's horrible friend tell him about Fleischmann's Yeast. Sounds like a non sequitur, but no! No, yeast is just what Joe needs to "bump off" those zits.

If it's any consolation, Joe, you have "important glands" to thank for them. And "waste poisons," too - there, don't you feel better now? More attractive? Well, you will once you start in with the eating-three-cakes-of yeast-a-day business, which seems to be the standard prescription. Take a look over here, for example:

The Secret of Happy Ingewanden (Fleischmann's Yeast helps constipation!)
Yeast of Eden (...and run-down crabby women!)
A Moveable Yeast (...and also run-down civil engineers!)

And also, of course, your...hickies will clear up. Watch out, ladies, "old Joe" will soon be "makin' up for lost time." Bon app├ętit.

Advertisement (with FREE complimentary bit torn out at bottom) from Argosy, July 1936.


Tori Lennox said...

Looks to me more like Joe was playing with a magic marker in his sleep. Or more likely his prankster friend made polka dots all over Joe's face while he was asleep.

Eric said...

Couldn't he just splash a little bit of beer on his face, or does it specifically have to be Fleischmann's?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to attend to some troubling hickeys of my own...

beth said...

That's my new answer for anyone wanting advice for a friend..."you ought to tell him about Fleischman's yeast."

Bill said...

Soon, our Joe will be dealing with a whole new set of hickies.

Lidian said...

Tori - Yeah, they really don't look like normal zits to me. I don't know what's going on there.

Eric - Oh no, it absolutely has to be Fleischmann's Yeast.

beth - That's a great line, isn't it?

Bill - I'm surprised his friend didn't make that point! :)

Hairball said...

Do they even sell fresh yeast anymore? All I've seen is the dried kind.

Lidian said...

Hairball - Maybe in health food stores?

GoRetroGirl said...

I know it isn't him, but the model playing "Joe" looks a bit like Tex Benake from Glenn Miller's band.

Lidian said...

GoRetroGirl - It would be so great if it was, though!