Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Getting Fried

Let's see, how does one become famous for fried foods?

1. Fry all food that you can get your hands on.

2. Maybe even twice. Then you can be twice as famous!

3. Tell everyone that you fry food.

4. Open all windows and make sure the neighbors are aware of you, too.

5. At dinnertime, announce to the family that what they are eating is - you know. Fried.

6. This may not be enough to ensure your fame though. So I think you might want to phone up some of the newspapers, too.

7. Tell them at length how much you love to fry food.

8. Oh, and start a blog about fried foods.

9. Every day, you can post about something else to fry.

10. Fry unusual foods, too. Like how about fried cereal? Fried cookies. Fried Saltines. Fried Tums.

11. Declare every Tuesday a Fun Fair at your house and serve the delectable specialties of the midway: fried Oreos, fried Coca Cola, fried Twinkies and fried lattes. Oh, yes there is such a thing. Jane Ashby would be so proud!

12. Tell the local TV station about your ambition to fry the biggest cupcake (let us say) in your town. Maybe in the world! Go for the Guinness Book of World Records record.

13. Are you famous yet? I'll bet you are. Or perhaps you will become infamous for fried foods. Anything can happen with golden Mazola - Jane Ashby over there in the ad knows all about it. You can tell by the knowing smirk on her face, and the tongs in her hand.

15 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

That fried chicken in the pan is extraordinarily yellow, isn't it? Did it have some weird chemical reaction to the Mazola?

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

Oh, and it's digestible! That's always something I look for in something I eat. Wait, are most oils not digestible? I may be missing something lol...

Eric said...

Oh wayward Jane Ashby, giving away some of the Colonel's best secrets...

Dwacon® said...

#14 Take some Lipitor for all the fat in your bloodstream...

Lidian said...

Tori - No no, Tori, not yellow - golden! It is golden! That is because of the golden Mazola! :)

Unlikely Oilfield Wife - Excellent point, since oil is supposed to be, er, edible. And hence, digestible.

Eric - I am going to look out for her in other ads, I think she is up to no good.

Dwacon - Thank you, that is a very very good #14!

P.L. Frederick said...

In the photo here, I suspect the "chicken" to be solidified, molded Mazola.

On one of those Food Porn shows on the Food Network, I saw a restaurant where they took a huge cooked and ready-to-eat hamburger (meat patty, cheese, lettuce, onions, tomato, on a sesame seed bun, the works), then battered it up and, and... and... deep fried it.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

thephantombloggerstrikes said...

I wonder if you could set some type of world record by actually batter frying a copy of the Guinness Book of World Records? Hey, fame can be crunchy!
im194

GreenPunkMama said...

Oh man I could go for some fried Tums! lol Mmm that sure is some super golden chicken, looks almost unsafe to eat... Radioactive chicken? hehe

tim h said...

I am proud to say I once deep fried White Castle hamburgers. Quartered, breaded, deep fried, tasted like Thanksgiving stuffing.

Bill said...

Gosh, that ad is so violently colored, I think I need to go stick hot coals in my eyes.

Hairball said...

I like the look of the old fashioned bottle.

Lidian said...

P.L. - That is amazing even by Food Network standards, I wish I'd seen that (we sometimes call it the Fat Network in honor of all the butter et al that seems to get tossed into things)

phantomblogger - Probably! lol

GreenPunkMama - I agree, that food does not look wonderful.

tim h - Did you fry them or did White Castle? I've never been to a White Castle, when I was a kid I sort of thought they were all in the Bronx, I never saw them anywhere else)

Bill - It is. I am going to have a few black-and-white days after this.

Hairball - Me too. I like almost all the old packaging in ads.

Brandon Burt said...

Fried Tums counteract themselves! Try them at your next zero-sum dinner party: Serve pasta with antipasto and watch the fun as they annihilate each other!

Espresso might make your guests jittery, so why not serve it with equal amounts of warm milk to make them sleepy? They won't feel a thing!

Lidian said...

Brandon - That does sound kind of fun! :) Only if they get too sleepy, they won't leave, and that could be tricky.

Marcheline said...

I think Jane Ashby is not-so-secretly (look at that puss!) pissed off that her contract has forced her to appear in an ad which tells OTHER people how to be famous for fried foods.

She wanted to be the only one!