Friday, June 19, 2009

No Musical Knowledge Needed

You know the drill, right? Buy this pathetic novelty that will no doubt break after the first time you use it, and before you can say "uh, how does this thing work again?" - you will have thousands of new friends! And super popularity! Oh, and incredible wealth!

All very unlikely, really.

But in this case, at least you'll have fun pushing some buttons. That's guaranteed. Until they get stuck, or break. And you can also have fun imagining your new exciting life - like the guy on the right, who seems oblivious to the fact that his partying pals have moved far, far away from him.

Maybe he has the wrong tie on, though. If he was wearing a Rising Tie, he'd probably be the most sought-after celebrity in the world. Although it might get in the way of pressing the buttons on the "Noteless Player" for some "red hot dance jazz." Maybe the electric jazz bow tie would be a better choice.

Even Trixie Friganza, that Famous Vaudeville Star, loves this thing. She learned how to press the buttons in only 3 minutes, apparently. That kind of sounds like a long time if all you are doing is - uh, pressing a couple of buttons. And if Trixie is so Famous, why is she even getting involved? Doesn't she have lots of hangers-on already?

Trixie is over on the left, looking thrilled. Maybe this was taken before she discovered the Noteless Player - back in the days of Weary Practice and Costly Lessons. Because come to think of it, I used to have a similar expression during my piano lessons.

Or maybe she just hates that baby bonnet she's wearing.

Now, in addition to the admiring crowds and the new friends, and being the epicenter of any party, you will also have some "money-making opportunities." Right at the party, do they mean? Because that sounds a little dodgy. Make that a lot dodgy. Still, who wouldn't want to liven up a social gathering with a rousing rendition of "Tie Me To Your Apron Strings"? That's always a crowd pleaser.

This fine product (from Chicago!) is from a 1926 issue of Art and Beauty, via Wikimedia. Trixie's photo is from the Library of Congress.

12 comments:

Eric said...

'Show me the Way to Go Home' is one of the suggested songs to play. If I tried serenading a lady with that, it would be apt. Just sayin.

Hairball said...

Maybe Trixie looks sad because she regrets letting her agent talk her into being anywhere near this product? I know I would!!

GoRetroGirl said...

It has double the wow impact if you play this while wearing the rising tie! Thanks for the daily chuckle!

Tori Lennox said...

This product has rendered me completely speechless. Good thing I'm typing and not talking....

Amy said...

hmm maybe that's why most parties I've been too are a little boring, they need this um...interesting device.

Lidian said...

Eric - It would be a dangerous musical idea to put in people's heads, yes.

Hairball - That is definitely possible. I would be, too.

GoRetroGirl - It's quite a mental image, isn't it? Fun though! :)

Tori - I had the same reaction when I saw it, too.

Amy - I wonder if anyone EVER used this to liven up a party?

Me-Me King said...

I love the song selections, "Tie Me To Your Apron Strings" must have been very popular in its day.

BTW, I'm liking the new look here.

Lidian said...

Me-Me King - Wonder if this is on YouTube? I'm thinking not, but you never know...

Bill said...

Everyone else dances cheek-to-cheek 50 yards away while our little man happily plays his Ferry Instrument.
Here in The South we would make a geneological comment about his mental capacity, immediately followed by "Well, bless his heart."

Lidian said...

Bill - It certainly is one way to keep him busy.

P.L. Frederick said...

Look at her teensy-tiny waist. No wonder she wears that expression. Wow, thank heaven the corset went out of style, in my house.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

Lidian said...

P.L. - Looks like she's been wearing that corset all day and can't wait to go home!