Thursday, June 11, 2009


Roto-Hoe (inspired by the Beach Boys' "Kokomo")

Home Hardware, IKEA, what a great idea
I might go to Rona, if I do I'll phone ya
Not far to Home Depot, baby why don't we go

Off the patio door
There's a place called our backyard
That's where you wanna go
but weeds are choking it all

Bodies on the divan
Popsicles melting in your hand
We'll be fighting about
Who's supposed to get an energy surge
And use the Roto-Hoe

Aruba Jamaica that's too far to take ya
Computer, pajamas, gardening as drama
To Target, Home Depot, baby why don't we go
Down to Home Depot
We'll get there fast
The checkout line will be slow
That's 'cause the whole town wants
To buy a Roto-Hoe

Too tired to speak, a hour feels like a week...

We'll get home and then
Collapse exhausted in the den
By and by we'll get wise
and order in a big pizza pie

Afternoon and night
We'll have the same annoying fight
That dreamy look in your eye
Tells me you let the entire weekend go by
Not using Roto-Hoe.

[the Aruba Jamaica chorus in here somewhere]

Everybody knows
It's still a pain with Roto-Hoe
Now if you wanna delay
The yardwork for one more day
No one will ever know!

[oh, chorus here again, you know the drill]

And here's the real song. Happy Thursday (not, not, not Friday - thank you, Tori...I need more coffee!)


GoRetroGirl said...

That was great! Judging by the way the hussy in the ad is dressed, I can't tell if the word hoe is referring to her or the lawn tool.

GoRetroGirl said...

I mean, look at her...does lawn work dressed in high heels, tight pants, a tight sweater and scarf? Roto Ho indeed!

Tori Lennox said...

Um, it's only Thursday.... unless I slept through an entire day....

Lidian said...

GoRetroGirl - Yeah, I was thinking that and the original idea was to make a one-liner or a haiku or something. And then I thought of, well, this, lol.

Tori - ZOMG, you're right! I'm going to do a little editing stat! Thank you!

jan said...

I can't wait to see what she wears to mop her floors and clean the toilets.

Cleverest post ever.

Nothinglikeit said...

Loved it! Now it's stuck in my head - I'll be laughing all day...

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

Roto Hoe! I LOVE IT!!

kathcom said...! Your lyrics are great but now that lame excuse of a tune is running through my head!

Amy said...

nooo Lidian! I'll have that song in my head all day now LOL

beth said...

Is there a roto-hoe for earworms?
Brilliant post!

Hairball said...


Lidian said...

Jan - I can't imagine! And thanks, it was fun to do.

Nothinglikeit - Me too, I can't get Kokomo out of my brain now!

Unlikely Oilfield Wife - I found it last winter and have been saving it ever since.

kathcom - Like I said, me too. I just know I'll be up at 2am with those Beach Boys singing away in my brain...

Amy - Ditto, ditto! :)

beth - If there isn't (and I suspect not) there should be!

Hairball - Exactly! lol

Bill said...

She does make gardening look like a stroll in the park.
But I know better. My idea of yardwork is walking between my car and my front door.

Meghann said...

LOL that was great! Yeah, I know I "roto-hoe" my lawn in skin-tight, sexy clothes...all that's missing are the high heels and you've got the 50's to a T, lol.
Have a great weekend!

Tina T said...

Very clever. This gave me my first laugh of the day (but hopefully not the last.)

Hot Rocks said...

Love it! Now every time I hear Kokomo I will think of Home Depot!

Lidian said...

Bill - That's mine as well. We have a yard but I don't deal with it, my excuse being that I am from NYC (such a useful, multipurpose excuse!)

Meghann - Yes, she certainly has an odd concept of gardening clothes.

Tina - I'm glad it did - you made my day! :)

Hot ROcks - I will, too, I think :)

Margie and Edna said...

I've been giggling about "roto-hoe" for at least a day now. It does sound vaguely like an insult. ;)

I think it's the tight sweater that makes her such a roto-hoe...


Lidian said...

Beth - It certainly does! She really needs to rethink her idea of gardening fashion.

Marcheline said...

Has anyone noticed that this machine seems to be sucking up every blade of grass on the property? She's walking on bare dirt, even though the machine seems to be barfing back up all the greenery it sucks down. Hmmmmm....

Don't forget, kiddies - for $19.95 you can also get the attachments! The snap-on Roto-Hussy and Roto-Hag make it possible to create a swathe of destruction twice as wide as your husband's car! If hubby's in the doghouse, take care of the car, too!