Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Ballad of Pie Plate Salad

There is a Sad Café somewhere,
The subject of this ballad
And if you end up there for lunch
You might get Pie Plate Salad.

The menu features foods which are
Quite Gross, yet Quick and Easy
Ensconced in horrid see-through gel
Which makes a person queasy.

Oh, Pie Plates that in kitchens lurk
What wicked impulse must
Fill them with this revolting gel
Instead of fruit and crust?

Who, tell me who, thinks this is food,
Where horrid veggies gleam
Under a clear top layer, like
Bits of a scary dream?

Perhaps a housewife sick of kitchen,
Pot and salad spinner,
Who said: I'll give them something new,
And take revenge on dinner!

Or maybe the admen took advice
From some facetious granny
Who cooked this horror up for fun,
To make what's canned uncanny.

And so if you should see this Pie
Pity the hapless diner,
And then escape by foot or car
Plane, bus or ocean liner.

This beautiful and inspiring ad is from Janet, via JB Curio.


avintagespirit (Lizzy) said...

Oh, that looks so yummy. I think I'm going to make that for dinner tonight, haha. So funny that they actually thought that was a good recipe idea. I had an old JELLO cookbook that had a couple recipes in it that remind of the pie plate salad.
Lovely blog!

Tori Lennox said...

Veg-All isn't too bad if eaten as a side dish. But the main course? I think not.

Erica said...

I made this once.

It was dreadful.

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

I showed this to My Honey and asked him if he wanted it at dinner tonight. He said "no" before I could even finish and said it looked disgusting.

I'm always fascinated with the mid-century fascination with gelatin-based dishes.

Dee said...

Pies are so delicious,
And lovely to be seen.
But serve this hell encased in gel,
And watch your guests turn green.

Thank you for yet another wonderful post. I love food ads.

Christopher said...

My goodness. That is gross.

Lisa Newton said...

I don't EVER want to eat that. I think I'd have an "emergency" if someone tried to serve that to me. :)

Eric said...

*in voice of Bill Cosby*
This is NOT what I WANted the JELLo to be USed for...

Alicia aka "Fashiona" said...

That makes SPAM look tempting.

Bill said...


That must be straight out of Cookbook of a Mad Housewife.

Relax Max said...

I've got a big can of Veg-All holding the window next to my computer open. It's good for something.

Maybe I will dump it in some black cherry Jell-O instead of fruit cocktail. I love hyphenated foods.

Nice poem. I can't believe how easily you do that. Or, if not easy, how much time you have on your hands. :)

Sheri Jones said...

Mmmmmmm...that looks yummy!!! Combining veggies into a jelloy mold...pure genius. I have NO IDEA why this isn't a staple at households everywhere even today.

Amy said...

Why did they always have to mix vegetables with gelatine back then? it's not looking very appetising.

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

I use veg-all when I make dog food :)

This stuff as is most thing with the jello thing going on is AWFUL and hysterical :)


Lidian said...

Lizzy - Yes, the Jell-O people were equally pernicious. This pie never had a chance. I am going to check out your blog once I recover from my car-lag, which is like jet-lag, of course. Only not.

Tori - But it MUST be the man dish - it is, after all, Veg-ALL. It is the king of all the table!

Erica - I hope you will tell about it sometime, I am really intrigued now!

Dr. Julie-Ann - I suspect no one wanted this for dinner, not ever. I am fascinated with the gelatin obsession of the mid-20th century too. I don't even know why :)

Dee - That is a lovely and perceptive verse, and thank you for it!

Christopher - It most certainly is.

Lisa - Yes, it is the side dish of disaster.

Eric - Yes, where is Bill Cosby when we need him to deal with this sort of thing? (Eating Jell-O pudding, I guess)

Alicia - It really does! Just think if Spam was part of this dinner...

Bill - I love that title! Now we just need to find the rest of the recipes in that book (I think we can probably do that pretty easily)

Max - It's better that the Veg-All just stays in the can and (for example) holds up a window.

These poems are not all that time-consuming for me, I am not sure why. I always liked writing this kind of thing. It's just a weird fluke of mind. If it took a long time I just wouldn't do it :)

Sheri - It's hard to imagine why this didn't catch on ;)

Amy - Dr. Julie-Ann and I are trying to come up with some reasons. So far, I have no idea why anyone liked this. Maybe the bright colors worked with the graphic design ideals then? Because they sure don't work with things like good taste.

Tracy - LOL on the dog food! Retro gelatin is just naturally gross and amusing, too, isn't it?

kathcom said...

I remember Veg-All. The name is like some gutteral vomiting sound. I can't eat Utz for the same reason.

Lidian said...

kathcom - ZOMG, what is UTZ?!! It does not sound good.

autie said...

Yuck! I like most of the ingridents...but not like that!

Lidian said...

autie - You know, I really think no one liked this but they were trying to think of something different. Which it is, I guess.

Marcheline said...

Once, when we were really low on funds, my husband offered to make dinner out of canned veggies and rice.

I cried.

If he would have offered to make me this instead?

I'd have rolled on the floor and cried. After hitting him in the head with a can of vegetables.