Thursday, July 23, 2009

Height Increase Bureau: Confidential!

The Retro Scam of the Week: grow one or two inches taller for the low, low price of fifteen cents!

The name of the organization is priceless, though: the Height Increase Bureau. It was in Brampton, Ontario. It probably was just the PO Box, really. Maybe the people working there were really tiny and the PO Box was their office. Which would be kind of ironic, don't you think?

The Height Bureaucrats had a fantastic, breakthrough method of making you tall - quick, safe, natural, blah blah blah. You would not be exhausted by exercise. So no stretching oneself on a rack. And yet, no elevators were involved! Not elevator shoes, elevators. So perhaps the Method involved taking the stairs?

Yet that can be exhausting and it is certainly exercise. A conundrum, indeed.

No elevators, no drugs, no appliances. OK, well - what IS it, this amazing secret? Sorry, all Height Increase Bureau undertakings are strictly confidential! But if you sent a dime and a nickel they promised to airmail Proof (with a capital P).

If only we knew what sort of Proof it was. I suspect that they didn't even know, really.

This is from an early 1970s comic book from my collection (which consists of one comic book).

13 comments:

The Peach Tart said...

That's it. If I could just grow a few inches taller it would make me look less fat.

Stephanie B said...

Shouldn't our examples be standing flat footed if we're measuring height?...

Hmm. I think I figured out the secret.

Amanda said...

Oh, if only this fabulous mystery product still existed, it would solve all my problems :)

Eric said...

An elevator? Was that ever really an option for making people taller? You'd have to carry around all the cables and the sliding door and the buttons to push for how many inches you wanted to grow... sheesh...

Lidian said...

The Peach Tart - Actually, in the comic book, it is right next to an ad about not being fat anymore, so maybe there was a two-for-one deal there...

Stephanie - I knew there was some scientific explanation for this!

Amanda - It would have been great if it was true.

Eric - Carrying the cables might make you stronger, though. Too bad this isn't a Charles Atlas ad (I have some of those too, but haven't taken them on quite yet)

Tori Lennox said...

I think Stephanie has hit on the way they make you taller!

Leeuna said...

wow. The wonders of retro technology. I wonder how many people sent a nickel and dime to find out that the secret to being taller was good posture.

Oh and I'm jealous. Your comic book collection is way bigger than mine. :)

Lidian said...

Tori - I think so too.

Leeuna - If only I'd saved the Archies I got when I was sick, as a kid in the 60s. Only when sick in bed, though! I really really wish I had those now...

Amy said...

oh where was this when I was growing up?

Lidian said...

Amy - I would have liked to have known about this, too.

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

OMG lol, Ive never seen that ad before :)

Lidian said...

Crazy Suburban Mom - It is really weird, isn't it? I'd never seen this one either...

Marcheline said...

I think I'd be careful... according to the picture in this ad, you not only get taller, but you lose your boobs, grow big muscles, a humpback, and get a 90 degree angle firmly attached to the back of your head. Your feet also swell alarmingly - stay away or you'll end up having to paint your legs with viscose!