Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Little Too Fresh

He's fresh-up with Seven-Up. And she - well, she is fresh too - fresh out of luck. No more blind dates for her!

Yes, the problems are certainly piling up, and not just on the table:

I suppose it's the kind of Bad Date where she's just sort of given up and starts laughing, with a tinge of hysteria, because she never dreamed that Clyde would turn out to be so - so weird.

He spent the first hour of the date talking and talking - and talking - about his many problems. Did he even think to ask how her algebra final went? Or whether she liked Sinatra's latest record? I don't think so!

And now he's demonstrating what his many, many problems look like, in his head. They look like notebooks and hamburgers and drinking straws and possibly a few cookies. Also, a few earrings on a plastic rod.

It's best not to ask why he brought all this rigamarole with him. Just smile. And maybe take your hands away from your ears. I'm sure he'll quiet down once he's finished building his little Palace of Despair.

The white socks with the all-black ensemble, that's another problem. But not as big a problem as the spatial ones. Because they've managed to find a diner with chairs and tables in three dimensions - but with a counter, a jukebox and presumably the food and drink - in only two.

Except for the shimmering green bottles of 7 Up. Of course. Because they are special and can transform from one dimension of space to another. That's some high-energy drink, huh? They have been coaxed from the faint and terrified counterman, who is trying to hide behind a menu. And the ad (see link below for the big version) tells us that after a bottle of 7 Up, in 2 to 6 minutes exactly, you will have tons of new energy.

Just what Clyde needs, more energy. How about the counterman make him something to slow him down, like a big glass of milk. And a turkey sandwich, full of tryptophan. He really needs to cool it.

Because they probably are not on planet Earth at this point. Even if they are, and even if she has a whole purseful of Mad Money, the laughing girl is really going to have a hard time getting a cab to take her back to reality.


Many thanks to Tom Cook at Retro Ads and Graphics for this amazing ad. Speaking of amazing, his site is - well, totally amazing! Please go take a look, if you love retro ads (and graphics) you are in for a fabulous treat.


Mama Brook said...

Thanks for the good laugh :)

Lidian said...

Mama Brook - You're welcome :) It was fun to write about this one (they are all fun, but this one was extra good)

Bill said...

I'll bet Clyde is a Physics major.
A very lonely Physics major.

She should have ran like the wind as soon as she noticed the white socks.

Eric said...

Thanks for the laughs Lidian!

*now splashing a little Seven Up on my face this morning to freshen up*

The Peach Tart said...

Wait no Seven up in my cupboard. Damn. Be back soon, heading for the Publix.

Tori Lennox said...

How can 7-Up give you any kind of energy when it doesn't have any caffeine???

Leeuna said...

Wow. Who knew 7-up could be so powerful. And LOL at the white socks.

Anonymous said...

Best line of ad: You'll get a fresh, clean taste in your mouth.

Uh, duh. Where else? I don't want to contemplate that.

Lidian said...

Bill - I think he is too.

Eric - Sprite just isn't the same, you know. Plus now you have given them the idea to market it as a facial tonic!

Peach Tart - Yes, 7 Up is a must! I had better get some too. I don't think Crystal Light iced tea is as efficacious.

Tori - I think it's all in the bubbles.

Leeuna - The white socks are such a fashion-forward touch!

unfinishedrambler - Nobody wants to contemplate that, nope. Not touching that one! :)

GoRetroGirl said...

My sympathies to the poor girl in this ad. This reminds me of a story my friend recently told me about a guy who whipped out a guitar and started singing to her on a date.

Lidian said...

GoRetroGirl - So he was carrying the guitar around on the date? Sort of like a chaperon, I guess...I'm afraid I would have started giggling uncontrollably.

There's a (double)blind date in Flannery O'Connor's story "A Temple of the Holy Ghost" where the same exact thing happens, BTW. The girls start giggling, too.