Friday, July 17, 2009

The Spork In the Road

Yes, the Spork tin has hit the road all right. It is in the road because it is running away from a life of limits in Spork Falls, the strange little town with a condiment obsession that features in that noted soap opera you never heard of, As The Cake Stand Turns.

And here is the home economist it is running away from. Because she wants to turn it into a salad! And terrible supper dishes. And also many other horrible things.

Here is the handbook that she uses to whip up her sinister preparations. Are you feeling queasy and frightened yet? Do you feel that perhaps - just perhaps - the Spork Lady is behind some of the strange behaviour of the townspeople?

It could very well be. It was a mere coincidence that Spork Falls (named for fictitious Colonial explorer James Van Buren Spork) shared the name of "the new meat sensation of the day." What day was that again, anyway?

Run little Spork tin, run like the wind! Or else you will transform from a happy little blue and white tin (though perhaps with dark secrets within, as who does not) into - well, the Spork Lady took a few black and white photos of what she did to some of your little friends from the Spork factory. I can't figure out which recipe it is - could be Spork Potato Aspic, or Spork Salad in Tomato Jelly. Or, um, Spork and Cider Jelly Loaf.

You don't really want me to scan in the recipes, right? The Cider Jelly Loaf includes raisins, brown sugar and - Spork. And cider. Oh, and jelly. Just to give you an example.

The little Spork Tin is hurrying (somehow) down the road leading out of town, as we draw this post to a (merciful) conclusion. I believe he's going to New York City to find his friend the Gingerbread Man, who ran away last year and said the Spork Tin was always welcome to crash at his place. And the Home Economist is still asleep, dreaming early-morning dreams of Spork Chops and what sort of condiments might go with them.

18 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

Hmm. I always thought a spork was that gizmo you got at fast food restaurants that's a combination of a spoon and a fork. I didn't know you could ALSO eat spork! Not that I'd actually want to, you understand. But if I was on a desert island and all I had was cans of spork and a can opener....

Eric said...

I almost choked on my coffee when I read the tagline on the can of Spork. Thanks for that, hahah.

Grace said...

Ummm...no

The Exaggerator said...

"The Meat of Many Uses"--didn't Hormel actually use that first to promote SPAM (and yes, that Monty Python routine rings in my mind as I commit this to virtual form)?

Hairball said...

It was a mere coincidence that Spork Falls (named for fictitious Colonial explorer James Van Buren Spork) shared the name of "the new meat sensation of the day." What day was that again, anyway?

Trash day

Bill said...

That home economist looks like a bitter pill. I'll bet a house fell on her sister.

Lidian said...

Tori - Even if I did have a spork, the last thing I'd want to eat with it would be - Spork!

Eric - That tagline really should have been the title!

Grace - Not ever!

The Exaggerator - Yes, I'm sure they stole this from Spam (Spork was the Canadian cousin of Spam) and - I was thinking of Monty Python too (I used to know tha skit, and a lot of the others, by heart)

Hairball - Why yes, it was! lol

Bill - Yes, that was in Season One I believe...

grouse.and.badger said...

I thought spork was a combination of a spoon and a fork. I can't believe I've been wrong all these years :)

Arun Sharma said...

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A.Marie said...

Hi there! I found you while "doing the drop" with Entrecard. What fun-to-read blog you have hear. I also thought a spork was what you got at KFC with your chicken meal! :)

Lidian said...

Arun Sharma - Thanks!

A. Marie - A spork is indeed a combo spoon/fork but also is this stuff in a can! :) Thanks for visiting.

Shay said...

Where do you find these disgusting meat products? You have a gift for it!

Lidian said...

Shay - Um, thank you...I think! :) One tends to run across a lot of them just by virtue of going through lots of retro ads, and collecting old cookbook pamphlets. This one is especially gross, though.

Amy said...

Spork, hmm sounds like a type of spam to me, either way it doesn't look very appetising ick...

Lidian said...

Amy - Exactly! It is Canadian Spam, and it looks like it wasn't any better than real Spam. Possibly even worse!

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

OMG -- LOL, still making my way backwards thru your blog and just found this! This is a classic for sure!

Tracy

Lidian said...

Tracy - It would kind of make a fun series, if I could pull it off. BTW, you would love this booklet, it is a riot! :)

Marcheline said...

"The Meat of Many Uses"? Wasn't that Tom Jones' tag line?

And Mrs. Henderson, the human pelican, seems to be storing a month's worth of Spork in her gullet!

Luckily, it looks the same coming out as it did going in!