Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Cat in the Hat Shop

The sun did not shine
It was too wet to shop
So I ordered this hat
No one told me to stop
I picked up the phone
And I called up the store
Said, Please send me a hat
No one's seen here before!

And the voice on the phone
Was so buoyant and fun
That I ended up buying
The priciest one
Yes, the Cat in the Hat
After wrecking my house
Opened up a boutique
That inelegant louse.

So the hat came at once
In a big red wood box
It was hideous and full
Of bits of old clocks,
And feathers and junk
From the back stockroom floor
So I sent that hat back
And said: Not anymore!

I will not buy my fashions
From fast-talking Cats
I will not spend ten dollars
On trash-laden hats!
Beauty Counselors will tell me
What is trendy and new:

So I told off that Cat,
Told him just what I knew:
And he said with a laugh
That with hats he was through,
But his Beauty Counseling Service
Was shiny and new...

Would you try out his makeover - well, what would you do?

Advertisement (1950) from Ad Access.


Bill said...

Your poetry always shines with tongue-in-cheek majesty.

Staci said...

OMG, that was priceless. Very Dr. Seuss. If you ever want to give up blogging, you could write children's books.

The hat, however, is less Dr. Seuss and more Steven King. I wouldn't wear it. I'd knock into too many things or would be scared a bird would think it's a nest and crap on my head.

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious! I'm loving your posts. My Newnes Home Management jokes pale by comparison!

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

oh. my. that was supposed to make you buy that monstrosity? what in the world.... that hat is 20 pounds of doody in a 10 pound box... man oh man.

your poetry how ever is genius!

love it

Eric said...

Epic commentary writing!
I think the lady's hat is splendiferous. Someone, somewhere out there probably has a hat just like that.

Lidian said...

Aw, you guys!

Thank you :) This was my favorite scheduled post so I had to come and thank you. Otherwise am just reading your comments and gearing up for more amusing things to come (wonder what they'll be??)

beth said...

I would read your posts in the rain, or on a train, with a goat or on a are awesome!

Lidian said...

beth - Thank you so much! :) I will have to do a Green Eggs and Ham one sometime (maybe with just the right retro food ad!)

Marcheline said...

The ad studio calmed Audrey Hepburn's anger at being portrayed in a hideous hat by giving her large bosoms... something she never had but always wanted to try.