Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hot Dan Redux

You remember Hot Dan, don't you? He is a little man who is obsessed with mustard.

Well, here is his little flavor trick. Her name is Marie, I believe. And she likes to add a spoonful of mustard to everything. This is how she copes with life's little blips and stresses. Just - throw some mustard in the mix.

For example, when guests turn up unexpectedly, demanding a meal, most people would either hide behind the furniture, pretending to be out. Or they would serve up a couple of sandwiches and maybe a cookie. Not Marie! She has been schooled in the Hot Dan Method, which demands that you (a) prepare a fancy meal that will make your guests feel guilty and (b) if they do NOT feel guilty, never mind, they'll be uncomfortable anyway.

And that is because you are going to throw big dollops of mustard into everything! Everything!

Soup? Toss in mustard.
Baked beans? Sure, mustard it is.
Salad? Why not!

Those guests are lying through their teeth about how delicious everything is, of course. They'll say anything to get Marie to go fill up the water glasses. Their taste buds have been destroyed and their mouths are hotter than a bonfire in the Gobi desert during a heat wave.

I wonder what they had for dessert, don't you? But you know what Marie put in it, though. Bye bye, uninvited guests! That'll teach you to phone first.


Thank you Heather for this most excellent ad!


GoRetroGirl said...

Sounds like Marie and Hot Dan both like things hot and spicey.

Tori Lennox said...

Must remember this trick next time uninvited guests show up.

Crystal Raen said...

Ha, I'm with Tori on this one. :-) Just keep it away from the dessert!!! Now that would be sinful.

Eric said...

Lol, Dan the Mustard man looks suspiciously like an older Charlie Brown with a lifelong mustard-fueled insane look in his parenthetically crazed eyes.

Heather Cherry said...

Yay for Hot Dan!

Christopher said...

Hmmmmm. Mustard in tomato soup. I may just try that.

Tom Stiff said...

Lots more Hot Dan retro ads at The Gallery of Graphic Design.

Shay said...

Gaaack. Yellow mustard goes in potato salad and devilled eggs. NOWHERE ELSE.

(I have spoken).

beth said...

Really, Hot Dan? French's is smoother and creamier?As opposed to what? Chunky and abrasive?

I love how all these retro food ads suggest the most absurd and unappetizing alternate uses. I think the copy writers hated women.