Monday, August 31, 2009

Men Are Funny

Men are funny - you never know whether you're making the right move or not. Avoid disappointment, heartbreak!

Yeah, men are funny all right. So you'd think that telling them a few jokes might be enticing. You'd be wrong, though. It's way more complicated than that.

This guide to hunting them down is also funny:

It's Easy to Win Him...When You Know How!

In other words, this is sort of the equivalent of the electric bow tie, for girls - how to score with the opposite sex, for only 98 cents.

But what precisely are we going to be learning, and what is the goal? Is the goal here:

(a) To Win Him ("easy when you know how!") OR is it in fact

(b) To Get Along With Boys. As in plural boys. What precisely does getting along mean, huh? Resisting the impulse to scream at him for that sexist wisecrack he just made (men aren't that funny, sometimes) - or, ahem, what used to be called putting out? Probably something in-between the two.

In any case, you will also learn:

How to Get Him To Date You
How to Make Him Enjoy Your Company
How To Have Personality
How Not to Offend Him
How To Keep Men Guessing
How To "Make Up" With Him

Doesn't that sound like a constructive use of your time? Feminist consciousness will be lowered all over the place! Guaranteed. But at least there will be "No more clumsy mistakes for you." Nice to know the author has such a high opinion of her readership. She must be related to Madame Beatrice.*

Yes, this book was actually written by a woman. Her name was Henrietta Rosenberg; she used the pseudonym Walter S. Keating (I have a few ideas about what the 'S' stood for). Masquerading as the bon-vivant Keating, Ms. Rosenberg wrote some other spicy titles in the 1940s and 1950s. These include Marriage Mischief, How To Write Love Letters, The Omnibus Of Pleasure, Sex Studies From Freud To Kinsey, and perhaps (in this context) most disturbingly, How To Get A Job In New York.

Thanks, but I'll think I'll try the Acme Employment Agency first.

*Of course, if you use Madame B's Secret Voice, you won't need this book, will you? That list of How Tos is a precise description of what Secret Voice does. So maybe you should just get a few flasks of that instead.

Thank you to Comic Book Ads for this gem. You can click the link for a very nice full-size version of this ad, and read all the incredible things you will be taught.


Blog Queen said...

If life and love were only that easy. Great post

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

OH. MY. As I've said before...No wonder so many woman were on Valium in the 60's... there were so many things wrong with many things to do... so many things to learn... sigh. By the way have you seen the deodorizing tablets ? You take a few a day and it works on the odors ...and both ends? Im not freaking kidding. Guess what its called.... ready?

You sure?


No really. Double N's...
Im totally serious.


Lidian said...

Blog Queen - Ah yes, if only...!!

Tracy - Oh my. This rings a faint but useless bell in my brain (whatever that means!) - you ARE going to post about Ennds, right? Right? I sure hope so!

The things they thought of back then - you can't even make this stuff up. So weird and so great!

Eric said...

It's always seemd to me like the girls have it pretty easy, no little booklets necessary.

Stephanie B said...

Unfortunately, this sort of mindless continuation of age old "catch a man" drivel still goes on. Magazines, books, etc. are still devoted, sometimes cover to cover, with ways to tittilate men by avoiding being yourself, but focusing instead on appearance and pretending to be something you aren't (including dumb as a post sometimes).

It's a personal pet peeve that so much "literature", including novels that glorify/romanticize rape and women being useless, are penned by women - in many ways, women are our own worst enemies when it comes to being treated with respect as people not playthings.

Grace said...

"How to have a personality"? - that's the one that caught my attention. And actually how different is this from Cosmo or any of the other women's magazines. Granted I haven't read any women's magazines in decades perhaps they have changed...

Tori Lennox said...

I like the part where it says "Read for Yourself!" Y'know, as opposed to having someone read it to you. LOL!

Lidian said...

Eric - But we have to read all the little booklets and magazines, though. It is a lot of work! ;)

Stephanie - I agree entirely. You said it perfectly. Every issue of Cosmo is the same, always - and most of those other women's mags too. And the books! Give me George Gissing's The Odd Women, and Wilkie Collins' Marian Halcombe (in The Woman in White) any day!

Grace - I don't believe they have. You haven't been missing anything.

Tori - So there is SOME assumption that one has a few active brain cells. That's something, I guess.

Shinade aka Jackie said...

I would have failed miserably. I guess I am living in the correct era. Oh dear do you remember that movie with Sandra Dee and Bobby Darin where they get married and she wants to change him?

I think it was Bobby Darin. Anyway she buys a book on how to train your puppy and get him to behave.

I haven't seen the movie in years but it really is a cute one.

By the way the book works. At least in the movie. I really should order that one if I can ever remember the name of it and watch it again!!

Great post...I love it!! Do you really think it women really bought into this stuff?

I hope you have a great night Lidian!:-)

Shinade aka Jackie said...

oh my goodness I forgot to say thank you for hosting my add today!!:-))

Lidian said...

Jackie - I haven't seen that movie, I'll have to put it on my list (I have a list of old movies that I want to see sometime)

Will write about your contest soon, too :)

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

Lidian I sent you an email about that ad... dont know if its an email you check so wanted to make sure you knew :)


Lidian said...

Tracy - Yup, I got it, thank you SO much :)

Hairball said...

I've seen that movie, but I can't remember the name of it right now!

In other words, this is sort of the equivalent of the electric bow tie, for girls - how to score with the opposite sex, for only 98 cents.

I'm kinda scared to ask where it attaches and exactly what it does to attract male attention! *shudders*

Lidian said...

Hairball - Oh dear! I just meant that a guy just has to wear a silly tie. But women have to buy a book and study. Naturally, it is tougher for us.

Or maybe we are just supposed to clunk them on the head with the book. But that might not attract them, lol

Marcheline said...

Ladies, ladies... you're missing the REAL DANGER of this little ad! It's not the "how to be a slut" pamphlet at all! No, it's worse than that!

With all the hubbub about the birds and the bees, you've missed the tag line "SEND NO MONEY".

There's the key, you see? You send in a coupon WITH YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT, requesting a booklet on how to catch a man... which proves you're a desperate, lonely female.

The company now sells your home address to men looking to score - perhaps scary men who don't use razors that can plow through any beard, perhaps men who don't use Lifebuoy soap!

Are we catching on now, ladies?