Friday, August 28, 2009

Voice In A Bottle

This is Madame Week on my blogs, I guess: there sits Madame Morrow, the wily Victorian fortune teller, over at the Dime Museum. And today we have, as a guest star over here, the lovely and equally wily Madame Beatrice, straight out of 1960.

Madame Beatrice has something fabulous for you today. Today and every day! Are you shy, left out, pushed to one side by some high-fashion sweet-talking lollapalooza of a floozy? Is she bewitching your guy?

Madame Beatrice understands. She's been there, obviously: check out the brave smile, the Margaret Dumont iron matron vibe, the perky pearls. She's duked it out, so to speak, with a bimbo or two in her day. And won.

Because Madame has a secret weapon. And that's what she wants to sell to you. It is perfume that will actually speak for you. It is your "Secret Voice" and can say all the things you are too chicken to say. Can and will!

Hey, will you look at that loser flirting with all the girls? Is that him? That's our boyfriend? Hmmm, I don't know about this. Are you sure we want to get this one back? Because I'm not so sure.

Let's use my Secret Voice and round up somebody new. Psst! You there, the cute guy in the corner. Come over here and talk to us. Now. I said, NOW. C'mon, move it, buster!

Please note that you will need "complete directions" on how to use Secret Voice perfume. Madame Beatrice thinks we're not only shy and depressed, but really, really stupid. Don't you feel much better now?

[Many thanks to Modern Mechanix for this one.]


Patrick said...

Some peoples' secret voice says, "You're wearing way too much perfume!" Other peoples' says, "Maybe you need to depend less on your odour in order to get your message across."

Iron matron vibe -- haha! Now that's classic :) said...

Hello i'm rose
thanks..nice blog...
keep update im still waiting and drop EC
miss U
Aceh Barat

kathcom said...

My Secret Voice told me to kill my cheating boyfriends...Now I take a pill for that.

Eric said...

So it sounds like the lady will use a few drops of Secret Voice in my eyes? Whoa there, I'm a little concerned about all of this.

Lidian said...

Patrick - Those voices make a llittle more sense.

Rose - Thank you for visiting :)

kathcom - LOL!

Eric - She's a little unpredictable. I'm worried also.

OilGirl said...

Would women back then really fall for this mumbo jumbo advertising?? I laughed so hard reading this post, thanks I needed that! :)

Tori Lennox said...

Run away, run away! It's another Floating Head of Doom!

Anonymous said...

I believe that's a Margaret Truman vibe I'm spying, not Margaret Dumont.


Kate Burton said...

Any idea how long that ad ran? I swear I saw it but I wasn't born until 1967.

Susan DeAngelis said...

Madame Bee is scary... lol

loved the post, Lidian.

:) hugs,

Lidian said...

OilGirl - Depends on how many flasks they'd knocked back, I think.

Tori - I think I need a special Disembodied Heads tag.

Cristiane - A Retro Margaret vibe, in any case.

Kate - Good question, I'll look around and see if I can find out.

Susan - She is, isn't she? I wonder what her perfume was like! lol

Hairball said...

Gee, I never would have thought that guys would swoon over a female ventriloquist!