Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Arnold Makes the Grade

Lucille [to self]: The teacher will never guess what I'm bringing for Show and Tell!

[later...]

Lucille: My Show and Tell today is - Arnold! Arnold, come on up here. Don't be shy. This is my friend Arnold, who is a giant Dairylea milk carton. He walked me to school today and I was real safe because the school bus was the only thing on the road and Arnold is fifty times bigger than the bus.

Also we were OK because Mary and her little lamb were out working as crossing guards. See how they are looking a little bit mad at me? That is because I'm right smack in the middle of the road. And that would not have been very safe if there was any traffic.

See #4 of the Code of Safety? It says not to cross in the middle of the street. That was all Arnold's fault. He said because he is a giant milk carton he can do whatever he likes and all the other dairy products are scared of him. And that he could eat the teensy school bus for a snack, it is that teeny!

Arnold: Um, hello? Can I just say something here for a minute? I should not even be crossing a street because I have no peripheral vision. Looking sideways is way safer than having painted eyes that google straight ahead. And I wanted to stay home anyway because - well, I stole these shoes from Minnie Mouse (don't ask) and I can't walk so well even in a low heel. Say Lucille, next time you ought to let me stay in the giant refrigerator at home. For the next Show and Tell, you know what? You ought to bring Mommy and Daddy. If you think I'm real big - boy, you ought to see these folks. Lucille is sort of our Stuart Little, you see, one day she just showed up and -

Lucille:  I knew this would be a big mistake.

From LiveJournal.

7 comments:

Needless To Say said...

Thanks, Lidian, for explaining the connection between milk and safety, a connection so tenuous many of us haven't even been aware of its existence! I feel safer already. :)

Tori Lennox said...

ROFL!!!!

I'm having trouble getting past Mary's sign that says "School go slow" Do they not use punctuation at this school? Or does this school actually move around, albeit slowly?

Lidian said...

Needless To Say - Well yes, it really is important! And it has to be milk, as opposed to, say, cottage cheese. I think soy milk is all right, but am not sure...

Tori - The school is also going slow on the English grammar, I believe.

sassafrasjunction said...

Wait a tick... Does the name of alleged milk carton rhyme with diahrea?!

Lidian said...

sassafrasjunction - You know, I think it does! Sort of an off-rhyme, which is very modern. Hmmm. I'm thinking of something Ginsbergesque. Maybe will try and do something with that...

heidi said...

i'm laughing so hard that milk is coming out of my nose!

Lidian said...

heidi - Arnold wants to remind you that that is not on the Code of Safety! ;)