Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dinner On the Rocks

Why is Steve so glum and grim?
This dinner disagrees with him,
He wishes he had never come,
For gooey stew all overdone;

And gruesome guests are all round
The table making little sound
Except to gasp and look askance
At plates of stuff that came from cans:

Jack's telling the same old awful story
To his dinner partner Maury
Whose terribly morose expression
Suggests a case of indigestion.

And Herbert's giving the stink eye
To everyone who tries to lie
About the lovely time they've had -
He knows this party's pretty bad:

They must have dined on something cold
Ensconced within a Jell-O mold,
Washed down with Chateau Mauvais Vert -
Oh, how they wish they weren't there!

So fill them up with Hiram Walker!
It turns the most annoying squawker
Into a sycophantic guest
Who'll give the grumbling groans a rest.

This fine liqueur is all you need:
It does not matter what you feed
To people: veggie Jell-O? Fine!
And cheaper brands of table wine

Of very very recent vintage
Evoking socks and dryer lintage,
With leftovers that look primordial -
Just wash them down with Hiram's cordial.

14 comments:

Bill said...

T.S.,Maya, Ezra, Sylvia, little Billy Blake...their wan flames sputter when Lidian takes to verse.

Eric said...

Lidian, are you sure you aren't Theodore Geisel's distant relative?
What are some of your books I can go out and purchase?

Patricia Rockwell said...

How do you have time to create such remarkable verse when you're hard at work writing that novel?

vickie said...

Hi, I have an award waiting for you at my blog:
http://digivic.blogspot.com/

Sam said...

hi! I admired your blog so much. It's very neat. :-)

Lidian said...

Bill - I am feeling a bit like that wan flame, so thank you :)

Eric - I wish! I really do. My one dream since I was a kid has been to write books. Of course, I was also going to be a prof on the side (or the mysteries et al were going to be on the side - something was over on the side anyhow). Am not prof which is probably just as well, as anyone who took my intro English classes in the 90s would tell you ;)

Patricia - I don't know, really...I started that one over the weekend and it didn't really go, so I finished it up yesterday morning. It's just one of those odd things you can't use in real life. I used to write little limericks and parodies of T.S. Eliot about college friends and BFs (who didn't get to see them) and that was fun. Still have them. Not for the internet though!

Sam - Aw, thank you :) And welcome!

Lidian said...

Vickie - Thank you so much :)

vanilla said...

Talented, witty lady. Such fun.

JD at I Do Things said...

Ha! What a lovely poetic tribute to the trials of party-poopers everywhere.

Methinks 'tis not the "fresh" blueberry that perks up these poky faces.

heidi said...

why do the gents have all the fun?!

love your lyrics!

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

LOL, I looked at this yesterday and thought...what in the world do I write...those guy all look so - nasty. why would you give them drinks so they stay?

another time I guess? lol

Lidian said...

vanilla - Aw, shucks :) Thank you!

JD - Perhaps it is a lovely raspberry ;)

heidi - Because the ladies polished off the really good stuff already while they were doing all those stupid dishes.

Tracy - They DO look nasty, don't they? I'm not inviting them to my house!

RE - RecycledFrockery said...

you know they made them in allen park mi, for the longest. the plant closed several years ago, alas no hiram cordials; such a crime.

this is my attempt at poor poetry, hope you enjoy it.

Lidian said...

RE - That is great, I love it! :)

But I wish that that they still made them...