Friday, November 20, 2009

Splish Splash

Prince Charming got his equine pal
A weekend at a spa
White horses get dust-grey and tired
From running near and far,

Rescuing princesses and maids
From dragons and high towers
Is a tough job that will demand
Appallingly long hours.

So on this Mental Health Day,
The White Horse went to a spa
And told Prince C. to catch a train
Or even take the car.

The spa suggested a herbal bath.
The horsie said: I'll try it!
A therapeutic bath sounds fine,
And a little peace and quiet.

But something isn't peaceful here;
The horse thinks: That's the rub -
My only day off from weird dames,

And here's one in my tub!

Spa lady, please remove yourself
From that foamy bath corral

How did you get here, anyway,
You silly tiddly gal?

Spa lady, this is out of line
This bath is not for you
So take your bottle when you go
And the leafy beanstalks, too.

But she cannot interpret neighs
And is too tired to think:
She's tired of giving facials
And she really needs that drink.

Politely ired, and circumspect
The horse tries to ignore
What's going on, and thinks: Next time
I'd better lock the door.

And the motto of the story is: You can lead a horse to bathwater but he can't get a drink.

[Advertisement from Life, November 19, 1971.]


Michael said...

The ad is just...weird. However, the ad is from 1971, so perhaps it was not too terribly uncommon for people to have hallucinations that they have a horse in the bathroom with them. Please step away from the LSD, Spa Lady!

Barbara said...

You know, many nights I've wished for a peaceful, steaming bath with a glass of sherry at my fingertips.

At no time was a horse in that wish.

This ad is messed up!


Bill said...

My Pretty Pony does look a mite irked.

This is a very attractive ad, which puts the best possible face on taking a bottle of booze into the tub with you, alone & bitter.

Eric said...

Well, this has me wondering if 'riding a horse while intoxicated' is an offense. Probably is.

heidi said...

[as in What The Horse?]

I've gotta get me some of that.

Tori Lennox said...

Gotta wonder how much of that stuff has she had to drink if she's dreaming a horse is in the tub with her....

Lidian said...

Michael - Yes, it makes you wonder what else she had been imbibing, doesn't it?

Barbara - I couldn't agree more.

Bill - Except you wouldn't really be alone...

Eric - Oh, it probably is, yes.

heidi - Yup, that's mighty strong stuff she's got there.

Tori - And which number bottle of the evening would it be?

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

What, you mean you guys *don't* have a horse residing in your bathrooms?

Dobbin lives in mine and he's quite happy. Just have to bring him a few sugarlumps and lots of sherry every day and he's a happy Dobbin.

Relax Max said...

Did you know that White Horse Scotch owns the domain name I'm impressed. Even if they spell whiskey like a Canadian.

But in the bathtub? Anywhere??????

Ok, you did probably know that.

Relax Max said...

I lied. I mean I spoke before getting my brain in gear. White horse is only on brand sold on Can I take that back, please?

Richard Peevers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

Interesting (or perhaps not so interesting) piece of information: outside of the USA, whisky and whiskey are different drinks. Whisky comes from Scotland, whiskey comes from Ireland. Other countries that produce whisky have always taken the Scottish spelling for their own products (e.g. Canada, Japan).

It's only in the States that the two spellings have been conflated into the Irish one (this is probably because of the 19th century Irish influence, but is a little odd as there's a lot less whiskey than whisky in the world).

Lidian said...

Richard - No, ours is quite happy on the back porch.

Max - I had no idea. And yes, you can take anything back, if you like.

Richard - I also had no idea about all that. Thank you for the elucidation!