Thursday, January 14, 2010

Kreml and Punishment

You don't have to wear a wig to have "Toupée Hair."

And you don't have to look like a store mannequin.
You don't have to look like you're wearing eye makeup with that fake mustache.
You don't have to wear that toupée.
You just don't.

Why do you look like this?
Is it because you use too much water when you shampoo?
As the Kreml people say:

Stop soaking your head with water every time you want to comb your hair.

Just stop that right away. All that water is bad, bad, bad for you. You know where it's got you? Looking like a mannequin zombie. With Moe's Three Stooges hair, after it went to the beauty parlor for a perm, stuck on your head. And a false mustache you stole from a rogue barbershop quartet.

And a giant wax doll's head.

This is not a good look. You know it and so do we. No wonder you look a trifle depressed. Fortunately, Kreml is here to cheer you up.

Kreml is "a marvelous oil-tonic." Exactly what you need! Once you start using it, you will not require white eyeshadow from the 1960s. And you will be happy:

It is a joy to use, and a boon to sufferers from "Toupée Hair."

As for your other issues, Kreml does not know what to tell you. But not soaking your head in buckets of cold water is a good start, anyway.

]This bizarre 1935 ad is from Ad Access, large version here (or rather over there, at Ad Access)].


Mr. Stupid said...

My hair is very naught. Hope Kreml makes my hair behave...:)
Hooray for

Barbara said... helps "falling hair" as well?

Step one: stop using water to style your hair.

Step two: Oil your head daily. You know Kreml is "a joy to use".

Step three: Wonder why your wife hates washing your pillowcases...

vanilla said...

--and. This is a natural lead-in to a post on the antimacassar.
Bet 89.3% of your readers don't know the what or why of that!

FreshHell said...

I know about the antimacassar. I wish they made similar ones now for cat hair. Just drape over the back of the sofa and it acts as a lint brush!

This ad is very scary. Very.

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

OH. HEAVENS. This might be the strangest ad. Swear... It's like got this creepy factor that won't quit... holy moly. I might have nightmares!

Eric said...

Gomez Addams did commercial advertisements in his early career?

I can only hope to have hair like that when deceased.

Tori Lennox said...

I had the same thought about the antimacassars. Oily hair is just ICKY!

Lidian said...

Mr Stupid - Oh, I'm sure it can.

Barbara - That's a job for the laundry-detergent ads!

vanilla - I know what those are, and shall look for an ad featuring them :)

FreshHell - Our cats would love them too, and then the antimacassars would be grey and fuzzy.

Tracy - I know, isn't it the weirdest ad? I have no idea what is going on there.

Eric - He looks so pleased about his career, too! Guess he didn't know what was in store for him in the television era.

Tori - It is indeed.

DrJulieAnn said...

Did anyone mention that you don't need to buy a product to get oily hair?

Bill said...

This is sensational. It's Ad Noir.

The Lucy and Dick Show said...

Is checking falling hair like checking your coat? Me like someone to check my coat!

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

That's a rather scary photo! I'm not sure why, but it scares me!

Needless To Say said...

Next time I see someone with bed head, I'm gonna say, "Nice toupée hair!"

Lidian said...

DrJulieAnn - Shhh, they don't want anyone to know that!

Bill - It is, definitely.

The Lucy and Dick Show - They can check my coat, but don't check my hair!

Richard - It scares me because it does not look like a real person. Oh! That reminds me, I have an even scarier not-a-person post about...well, maybe I will do it next week. Must not give it away! From the 1940s.

Needless To Say - And they will answer "Yes, it's great toupee here, too!"

Janna said...

Love how they also want you to "Try Kreml shampoo, too!"

Shampoo which, of course, will require water to rinse out.