Friday, January 15, 2010

Still Life With Radio, Envelope, Wise Guy and Nylons

[A 50s Classified Ads Poetry Prompt]

The Tinytone's annoying noise
Its tintinabulating voice
Will magic in my pocket work
And drive my neighbors quite berserk
They cannot tell whence comes the din
That never needs to be plugged in.

So I will sit and think upon
Addressing envelopes for fun!
And profit too; if every schnook
Who sent for the instruction book
Thought to increase their income bracket
They'd set up their own dollar-booklet racket.

Then some big wise guy on the train
Says the Tinytone drives him insane
"Well," says I, "I am still the king
Of noisy toys that buzz and ring!
My book about Police Jiu Jitsu
Will soon teach me just how to blitz you..."

This did not alleviate his distress
My own required a cold compress.
So I abandoned thoughts of violence
To write up orders for cheap nylons
I hope they will not run or snag
But if they do, pray do not nag:
Just send your disenchantment on
To the Kendix Corp. of Babylon.

[From Popular Science, December 1951.]


Anonymous said...

When I was a kid, my favourite part of my comic books was the black and white page at the back that looked just like this. I always wanted to send away for the X-ray glasses, but my mom wouldn't let me.(smart woman she was) - G
PS - I've fallen behind on comments lately but I hope to be back into the swing of things soon. Have a great weekend!

Eric said...

Lidian, I'm amazed at how you linked all these together in your commentary.

On the womens' stockings thing, I wonder if they prorated it like tires or something? If there was damage or something, would there be a claims inspector?

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

Wow, how did you even get that all to work??? lol

brilliant, thats what you are!

Barbara said...

You are the MASTER at rhyme!! This was a stellar post!!

vanilla said...

Lidian, you have done it again!

Tori Lennox said...

My mind is boggled over the concept of a weird product coming from Nebraska, of all places!

DrJulieAnn said...

*bows down before you*

If I send you a dollar in an envelope, will you teach me how you're able to come up with such a great poem based on cheesy ads in the back of Popular Mechanics?

VintageGent said...

Ah..sadly they still have ads that ask you to stuff envelopes for money. And there is no way you can make money on it...

Lidian said...

Georgina - That was my favorite part of comic books, too.

Eric - I was wondering about that, too.

Tracy - Thank you, I was feeling a little desperate actually!

Barbara - You (like Tracy) are very kind, thank you :)

vanilla - Ditto :)

Tori - I know, I was expecting Chicago.

DrJulieAnn - I think I pull it out of my subconscious or something, I;m not sure.

VintageGent - They do indeed, and it still is no good at all, as you say.

Mr. Stupid said...

Great post there. Rhyming away to awesomeness...:)
Keep it coming Lidian. Have a wonderful weekend!

Bill said...

You'd have shoved Dorothy Parker right under the Round Table (of course, she would have been plastered, so just a nudge would've done it).
Like you, I always found these little ads most beguiling. I used to read magazines from back to front.

Lidian said...

Mr Stupid - I'm just taking today off, I'll be back on Sunday! :)

Bill - My old pal Dorothy would have made sure I fell under the table too, where we would proceed to mock everyone at our leisure ;)

Anti Aging said...

Ha-ha-ha! I really love what you're writing here. It's awesome! Wish I could duplicate it!