Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Spoon For the Misbegotten

-Gee honey, that's swell. Look at that spoon! You are incredible!

-Yes, I can balance a spoonful of cereal right on one finger, see?

-I can't take my eyes off it! And if my hair wasn't slicked down with half a bottle of Crisco, it would be standing on end.

-Want to know my secret?

-Of course, dear.

-I put a dab of Elmer's glue on my index finger first. And now -


-I'm...just going to stay like this. It's quite fascinating. And - the Rice Krispies are really very...light. Nutritious, but - well, light.

-How are you planning to eat them? I mean, if the spoon's glued to your finger and all.

-I'm not planning to. Because - well, dear, maybe you didn't notice this but...the stylist for this photo shoot didn't use milk in our bowls.

-No? Why not? What stylist?

-Dear, this is an ad. Don't tell me you didn't know that! And there are a bunch of dry Rice Krispies sitting on top of what looks like yogurt, in our bowls. Those little Krispies sink in milk, you know. Well, eventually. And we've been sitting here a very long time.

-Wow, honey, you sure know a lot about breakfast! And science. Yogurt, huh?

-Or maybe they found my stash of Elmer's Glue in the cupboard. I can't take my eyes off the spoon so I wouldn't know.

[Rice Krispies ad from Life, July 9, 1956; Elmer's ad from Popular Mechanics, May 1952.]


wngl said...

-A spoon, eh? Monsieur like?

-Sacre bleu, it is... it is tres magnifique! Monsieur like!

Katherine said...

LOVE IT! I was trying to think of a good one liner about the balance of the spoon somehow being the deciding factor in what happens later that night. Your post is EVER so much better - thanks for the smile!

Barbara said...

The AMAZING KRESKIN's mother appears in ad!! Not only could she balance the spoon, but she could bend it in half with HER MIND!!

Dad, on the other hand, had stock in the Brylcream company...he used it a LOT.

vanilla said...

Even though he parts it on the right
His Criscoed hair is quite a fright.

Kath Lockett said...

"THIS is the minimum I require from you tonight, darling."

....or was it merely the fumes from Elmer's glue?

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

You know the weird thing Lidian? I keep thinking the more I look at these things the more normal they will seem because Im getting sensitized to how bizarre they are but they just keep getting stranger and stranger! lol

Mr. Stupid said...

HAHA. This was hilarious. Loved the way you write.
"Dear, what if one of your fingers is glued. Don't you remember, you have another hand?"

Eric said...

...in space, no one can weigh nourishment...

Mirella Sichirollo Patzer said...

I had just taken a sip of my morning coffee when I read this. Needless to say, it came spurting out as I laughed.

Thanks for the morning chuckle. Now I'll have to wash the coffee stains out of my brand new jammies.

Love your blog.