Monday, April 12, 2010

The Giant Telephones

We noticed them right away.

How could we not, they were five times the size of anything else in the house. I don't know where they came from, but one day there were three giant telephones living at our house. Really! My brother said they were from the Planet Gigantus, where everything is really, really big. And Dad laughed at first and said they'd grown up big and strong because they ate up all their canned green beans, but he was kidding. I think.

Our regular phone must have got scared, because it was gone the morning after the Giant Telephones appeared. I guess it ran away. My brother said one it got eaten, but I can't imagine how.

The big yellow one took over the kitchen. It watched Mom carefully. Sometimes we thought it wanted to try cooking something. Mom told us they were the newest fad in home decor, although they did take up - well, an awful lot of space.

The white one was my favorite. It decided to stay in the den, I guess it liked TV. It didn't cause too much trouble. It was polite and didn't stand in front of the screen - well, not too often, anyway. Only when it didn't like the show Dad had picked out. And it only rang when there was a scary movie on and it got a little upset.

But the blue one was temperamental. It was a real princess phone - the Bell of the ball  - so only the boudoir would do. It used to sidle over to the bed and stare at anyone who dared to get in it, as if they were trespassing. It rang shrilly every time it wanted to sit at the vanity table. When it did, you'd better not be in the way! And you have no idea how hard it is to put lipstick on a rotary dial. Besides, even if you do - it's still just a phone.

[Many thanks to Millie Motts.]

12 comments:

Bill said...

Oh, those were the good old days, weren't they? Phones had cords and dials. Moms stayed in the kitchen wearing sensible dresses, while dads claimed their man-chairs in the den, and daughters stayed in bed doing - um, I don't know what she's doing...is she reading dad's paper?

Francy said...

I love how you personified the phones! I saw a princess phone the other day, and seriously considered buying it :-)

pixiedrivein.blogspot.com

Barbara said...

Good lord, you really made me laugh this time!! Love the princess phone personality!!

Eric said...

Did they shoot this ad on the set of 'Land of the Giants'?

Midcenturymadam said...

I know what you mean about the princess. We have a blue princess in our bedroom and I'm afraid I had to disconnect her. She just whined all the time. Loved your post!

1950's_atomic_ranch_house said...

Ha ha ha! This goes hand in hand with the giant ants from the 1950's horror movie called "Them!"

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

I dunno, it just feels as though they might be slightly impractical at that size... :)

Kath Lockett said...

Mother is sitting on the stool with her bag to the Bloody Huge Banana Phone behind her, trying desperate to pop out all 24 prozac pills, muttering, "Don't turn around, Don't turn around, Don't turn around."

Mimi said...

I want a giant PINK princess phone!

Lidian said...

Bill - Either that or a movie magazine...

Francy - I actually really like the princess phone too!

Barbara - It just was standing SO close to the bed, it looked a little annoyed...I don't understand how my mind works, either ;)

Eric - Probably.

Midcenturymadam - We had plain old rotary phones when I was a kid and they had THE worst, shrieking ring. They were all pretty crabby.

1950s Atomic Ranch House - Those poor giant people, dealing with ants like that! Good thing they had big phones like this to call the exterminator.

Richard - Maybe they make really, really long distance calls?

Kath - And she really does NOT want to go back into the kitchen with that enormous fridge and stove, either.

Mimi - I would love that, too!

Pam@GoRetro said...

Somehow I missed this one...I'm way behind on checking in with your blog. LOVE the commentary - it cracked me up!

Marcheline said...

I'm hoping the picture of the person in bed is a girl with her knees up... if it's not, that's one amazing morning boner!