Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Perfect Breather

Stop Mouth Breathing and Snoring!

Also stop him from arguing. From complaining about your lousy cooking. Or about the laundry. It really works! And that Inhaling Balm helps to keep him happy and relaxed while you enjoy an evening to just read a magazine, serve whatever you like for dinner, and maybe even talk about - why, whatever you like! Just go ahead and say what's on your mind, what's he going to do?

You can remind him that it will help his "flabby facial muscles, double chin, and protruding and unshapely lips." And you can show him the "valuable breathing exercises" that come with the Perfect Breather.

Has helped thousands.

Yessirreebob, it has. Now you can both have a breather!

From Modern Mechanix.


Dr. Julie-Ann said...

During allergy season, I am an A-1 mouth breather. Just *looking* at the illustration sent me into a panic, gasping for air.

Needless to say, I will not be ordering one :)

vanilla said...

Please, couldn't you just wrap half roll of adhesive tape around his mouth?

Understand Dr. Julie-Ann. I'd die.

Tori Lennox said...

Yeah a little duct tape and some Vicks Vapor Rub would work just as well, I think.

Steve said...

Haha. It's amazing that someone thought other people would want to wear it. I think diseases, snoring, and an early grave would be better than strapping this thing on every night.

Bill said...

He has a look of quiet desperation.

I notice that it doesn't specify whether the thousands helped were the ones wearing the mask, or their bedfellows.

Kath Lockett said...

I think if I was Mrs Perfect Breather it'd be *me* who ended up in an 'early grave' - imagine lying beside Hannibal Lecter with the added scent of menthol!

Ferd said...

I hope they have one in pink, for the women in my life!

Bossy Betty said...

Oh dear!

Lidian said...

Dr. Julie-Ann - Nor shall I.

vanilla - That would be more practical, but not any more comfortable.

Tori - I like the VIcks Vapo-Rub, that is very useful stuff when you have a cold (and thus breathe through your mouth)

Steve - Oh, absolutely!

Bill - He does! I think the spouses were being helped more, probably.

Kath - Yeah, he does have a little Hannibal vibe going on there. Ugh!

Ferd - I believe it only came in 1930s beige.

Betty - Yeah, quite!

Barbara said...

Oh.My. God...I can't believe I missed this one because of Vegas. I know about 10 people I could slap this on right now!


Marcheline said...

For a dollar extra, you get a red plastic gag ball, a kitten whip, and paste on tassels!