Sunday, February 6, 2011

Jack and the Oyster

Talking Oyster Life Oct 14 1940
Life, Oct. 14, 1940
The radio was turned up high
Blaring with all its might
And all of Jack's shrimp cocktail
Had been eaten up last night
So he was forced to call for something
Different to bite.

So Jack was sprawling sulkily
And crabbing, so that Mabel
Had flounced off to the movies and
The pleasures of Clark Gable;
And Jack was left with just a plate
Of oysters on the table.

Then suddenly he heard a voice
That squeaked and sounded mad;
It growled in a falsetto that
Gave ears an audible stab;
"That sounds like Mabel," Jack declared
"Or possibly a crab."

"An oyster, you big numbskull!"
Said the little bivalved creature,
"You've driven poor old Mabel to
Another double feature,
So I will have to play the role
Of culinary teacher:

"Guests come in every shape and size
As oysters always say
They loudly shout for Guinness Stout
So pour without delay -
And we will entertain you with
Our beachy repartee."

Jack and the oysters then admired
The stout bottle's allure
And then the oyster showed Jack just
Where Mabel's thimbles were
And how to pour each oyster a shot
But neither shake nor stir.

"The time has come," the Oyster said
"To talk of how we live:
Our lives are thirsty, hungry work,
With nary a sip nor smidge -
And also we're quite tired, Jack,
Of living in your fridge:

"We'd like some little oyster beds
In the bathtub, if you please,
And dinners that are savory
With plenty of toasted cheese
And don't forget our Guinness Stout-
Oh, and a set of keys."

So the Oysters lived upstairs awhile,
Partying in the tub,
Jack said, "How 'bout a pearl or two?"
"First we'll need rum syllabub."
"The heck with that," said Mabel,
"This is not an oysters' pub":

So she made up an eviction note
Right out of Cordon Bleu;
No more business with the Guinness
Or delightful cheese fondue;
And anon, the stout-filled tenants
Did become an oyster stew.

4 comments:

Bill said...

Brava, Lidian! You've outdone yourself with this one.

Kath Lockett said...

Love it, Lidian!

But could not possibly love the deadly combination of Guinness (erk) with oysters. Vomit and snot in my book......

vanilla said...

Wonderful verses, Lidian. Way to go!

Harry Hilders said...

I'm an instant fan.

Thank you!