Monday, June 6, 2011

Beach Nuts

Duke University
What you can't be without at the beach....

1. A swimsuit that says "what you can't be without at the beach," thus turning you into some kind of meta-non-fiction.*

2. Liquid Sunshine by Helena Rubenstein. Which is not hair bleach or hooch. It is sun tan lotion that "coaxes tan" (who knew that it was so fussy?) and has a "tangy scent" that "men love" but makes insects "shoo." Tangy like what, salad dressing? If so, no thanks.

3. Sun Tint (also by Helena). This is fake tanning lotion. Why do you need it at the beach? Why do you need it as well as the Liquid Sunshine?

4. Waterproof Mascara and Lipstick. Because nothing says "fun day at the beach" like a faceful of stage makeup! The mascara, by the way, stands up to a "weepy movie" - just in case you decide to go to the matinee down at the boardwalk.

And don't forget to pose with your arms bent in an uncomfortable way while gazing at a rock. Or with your arms stretched out in the classic "yay!" position. And don't get your hair wet. Unlike the mascara, it isn't waterproof.

*Yeah, or meta something. There's a reason I dropped out of grad school, Mabel. And it's called I Never Got the Hang of Literary Criticism Lingo. (Actually, there are lots of other reasons, too, but never mind those right now).

7 comments:

Kori Donahue said...

This is so cute...you always find the best ads. Hope you're having a fantastic Monday. I have some great news on my blog today...I'd love for you to check it out! Have a wonderful day honey! Kori xoxo

www.blondeepisodes.com

vanilla said...

Wow, what a deal! For 65 cents she can both attract Lothario and repel mosquito? And promote a tan? Fantastic.

Stacey said...

lol.. love it!

Relax Max said...

Helena Rubenstein was Mary Kay's Great Aunt. Many people don't know that. Mary Kay's full name was Mabeline Danskin. An odd coincidence, I've always thought.

Marcheline said...

What the hell is Meta-Chick standing next to? The world's largest molar?

The one on her knees in the background is starting her own tent revival, methinks. In her shorts.

Dave Lucas said...

Some of these old ads are rally amazing. I have an old Good Housekeeping from the early 1950s where tobacco companies actually have doctors touting the benefits of smoking cigarettes! My how times have changed!

Dr. Julie-Ann aka The Modern Retro Woman said...

Oh, the girl in the background is kneeling! . I thought meta-non-fiction girl had buried her up to her knees and background girl was calling for help.

I really need new glasses....