But these happy citrus-bedazzled folks on the right, whose hair all share a similar waviness (must be the grapefruit juice they rinse with), must have their grapefruit in every way.
So I held my Sherlock Holmesian monocle to one beady eye and went hunting for answers on the Interwebs. And that is not easy to do while holding a monocle to your eye, I can tell you. My first thought was to look to Yoko Ono's little book of instructional poems which I've read and I actually really like them. Only I don't have a copy floating around here because I took it out of the library back in my Boston days (anything to avoid working on that thesis, I tell you!).
So here's what I learned. You can put canned grapefruit in a fruit salad. Only I knew this already because we used to have fruit cup with canned grapefruit for holiday meals when I was a kid. You could not start Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner without this fruit cup.
The only other thing I can find to put canned grapefruit in is - gelatin salad! Well, here at the Kitchen Retro Not-Testing-That, Ersatz Test Kitchen we all love a good (or not so good) retro gelatin salad. So here is Miami Pecan Salad from my beloved Favorite Recipes of Jay-Cee Wives: Salads (circa 1968):
Miami Pecan Salad
1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold canned grapefruit juice
1 1/4 cup hot canned grapefruit juice
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 Tb [sic] salt
1/2 cup diced celery
1/2 cup chopped pecans
2 cups diced grapefruit sections
Soften gelatin in grapefruit juice. Add hot juice that is combined with sugar and salt; stir until dissolved. Chill mixture until consistency of unbeaten egg whites; add celery, pecans, grapefruit sections and stir. Pour into molds for individual serving and chill. Serve on salad greens with French dressing.
You see, this is too complicated for me. All the hot juice and cold juice and chopping pecans and things. And I suspect that it is too complex for the wavy-headed folks in the ad. So let's cut to the chase and rewrite this as an instructional poem:
Salad Mold to Be Constructed in Your Head
Open a can of grapefruit sections. Imagine it surrounded by gelatin clouds. The stars are chopped pecans. The celery is terrible. Leave it out. Think about individual molds shaped like the planets. Eat Saturn with an imaginary spoon.
Much, much better.