Friday, November 4, 2011

The Mysterious Case of the Logy Lawyer

"My first big trial this morning," mutters dejected Don, "and the way I feel is a crime!"

Actually, that murder trial isn't your "first big trial this morning," Don. Your first big trial is constipation. And that is why you are "dejected." That is why you are logy and headachy. No mysterious crime here, unless it involves not eating your bran flakes.

Happily, Don's wife Ellen knows just what to do. She doesn't have time to make some swell bran muffins, so it's laxative time! Exhibit A: one gigantic glass of Sal Hepatica, full of magical mineral salts that argue eloquently with the GI tract - and win.

The verdict? It worked. We can't give you a time frame, Your Honor, because - well, we just can't. We plead the Fifth on that one. But we can tell you this: three hours later, Dejected Don was able to smile prettily for the jury.*

That's some jury, by the way. In the front row there's a polka-dotted grandma wearing some brains on her hat, next to a folded-arm guy who thinks he's in a nightclub listening to the warm-up comic. And in the back row: a lacquer-faced department store mannequin and a dastardly mustachio'd fellow who really couldn't spare the time away from his job, which is tying damsels to train tracks. He's probably also the Bad Guy, too. So how did he manage to get on the jury? He got a notice in the mail, that's how! And when you get that notice in the mail, you have to show up.

The lawyers have to show up, too. They can't loll around in bed complaining about euphemistic headaches and "feeling logy." Although come to think of it, that jury also looks pretty logy. The judge needs to call a recess and get everyone a round of Sal Hepatica. They can ask Ellen for some - she probably brought a couple of extra bottles, just to make sure.

3 comments:

BrSpiritus said...

Folded arm guy looks like he just dropped a load in his pants and is quite amused by it while polka dotted Polly has gotten a signal from the basement that a delivery is on the way... yea I stole that from Lilek because the first time I read it I fell out of my chair laughing. They just spent way too much time fixated on constipation back then. Maybe a Vintage Recipe Blog is not such a great idea... unless I get some Sal Hepatica!

THe Vintage Recipe Blog

PS - I've got an ad you're going to love for tomorrow's article on my blog, I don't usually do 1970's ads but Saturdays are "anything goes" for me now.

Kath Lockett said...

...and I'll assume that everyone in the courthouse was, er, 'deaf to Don's trouser trumpeting during his more impassioned pleas to the jury' ??

Or, at the very least, he didn't need to bend over suddenly to pick up any dropped papers.....

Mike said...

My first reaction to seeing "Folded Arm Guy" was "What is Harry Truman doing in a jury in a Sal Hepatica ad?" I guess that is just one of those ad-related questions for the ages.