Friday, November 18, 2011

A Wild Tonic in the Drain

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"The exhilarating sound of her voice was a wild tonic in the rain." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

It's almost time for some fun retro Thanksgiving ads, but this one caught my eye this morning: one of those dramatic 1930s ads with a Can-This-Marriage-Be-Saved? storyline. "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" is a Ladies' Home Journal column, still running today, that I used to read avidly back in the 60s when I was little. I read all kinds of stuff back then. I'm not sure my mother was aware of it, exactly.

But I never came across a couple who were having problems because of the bathroom drains.

Having said that, one problem here is that he's "a man who doesn't talk much" and just glares at you when something's the matter. And when the drain is a little bit slow, his eyes shoot out daggers! I think he'd have a little problem here because our house is old and so are the drains and, well - you have this happen sometimes, too, right? It's just one of those things.

Just grab the Drano, sir, and pour it in. It really isn't anyone's fault. Maybe your wife has to use a lot of starch on your shirts and that clogs things up (OK, I have no idea what I'm talking about, but bear with me). Dressing up like F. Scott Fitzgerald every day takes a toll on the sinks - all that washing and using hair pomade and so on. You never saw Zelda using Drano. Not even in the fountains she and Scott were dancing in every night.

Nevertheless, just one little tablespoon of Drano gets the drains "open and fast flowing." Too bad it can't get Scott here to be open and - well, not fast flowing. Maybe to give everyone a little smile. A half smile? Even a smirk would be a vast improvement, sir.

In the end, I really don't think drains are this couple's worst problem.


Joyce Lansky said...

I guess back when the sole purpose for the woman was to keep the house clean. I guess if she failed in that department, the marriage would be over. ;)


Kath Lockett said...

I'm not so convinced that he has 'accusing eyes'. To me he looks as though he's in his own personal hell of not being able to put on his tie correctly.

Cari Hislop said...

"It was my fault...I didn't know there was such a thing as could he marry someone so uneducated in household chemicals? What was he thinking? He's going to divorce me and marry that pert secretary. She'll starch his underwear and collars properly with real starch like his mother made, not like my miserable concoction. Oh why oh why did he marry me? I'm not remotely good enough to shine his shoes and yet here I am sharing his table..."

Blimey, it makes you feel dang glad to be alive today! When my husband (whose father was born in the mid 1880's - hence a residual Victorian attitude) starts moaning about how I do something I tell him if he doesn't like how I do it he can do it himself. It's amazing how fast he learns to admire my technique!