Tuesday, December 27, 2011
And in direct opposition to this lady from 1953, I'm glad nobody thought of giving me an Aristo-mat for Christmas.
But supposing you are cooking out in your backyard, or maybe even in outer space, out in the darkness, trying to make a turkey dinner by starlight - watch where you put that casserole dish, and mind the onions...
(And no, I don't even know what I mean by that - I'm still sort of on blogging break, and this is just pre-New Year's drivel, more or less. Still, we'll press on:)
...And suppose that your oven has a sort of radar screen attached to it (perfect for catching space debris, although that may wreak havoc with the potatoes). Wouldn't you also love an Aristo-mat to make your stove look gorgeous? And make you feel like an aristocratic lady (this is pushing it, I know)?
Anyway. You know how Freud used to ask "what do women want?" Now we know. They want "the most beautiful protection their stove tops can get!" They are made of "heavy garage steel." How beautiful is that, huh?Also they can withstand "sharp blows" which is good in case you get mad at the plum pudding.
And not only are Aristo-mats gorgeous and make you feel like you are living in a fancy palace, they will allow you to orbit the earth, cooking Christmas dinner forever.
Yay, that sounds fantastic. Beam me up, Phoenix Table Mat Company of Chicago!