Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Cake of the Gods

The Rotarian, November 1922
Made the Ward Way, as only Ward knows how.

Yes, when they celebrate Christmas up on Mount Olympus*, and Zeus has finished carving the goat and they've fished Dionysus out of the wine amphora and Athena has bored everyone with a lecture on philosophy - then Hera brings out a Ward's Paradise Fruit Cake, and there is much rejoicing and playing of lyres and there are libations toasting Ward and all his baking minions down on earth.

In other words, this is probably the best fruitcake that ever was. Ever! Consider these salient (and possibly half-baked) points about this 1920s delicacy:

1. It is baked by "the world's greatest bakers." Say no more. But wait, there is more:

The Cats Pajamas 
2. It is made the "Ward way, as only Ward knows how." Yes, Ward in his Ward's Paradise knows the esoteric mysteries of fruitcake. And what they might be, Ward only knows.

"Goat and Fixins and then - Yum Yum!"
3. It is an "ideal Christmas gift for any man or woman" - whether they like fruitcake or not. All your gift-giving problems solved, just like that!

4. It is wrapped in glassine paper (you can reuse the glassine to store your stamp collection, or firecrackers, or something).

5. You also get a gorgeous metal gift box lined with "lace paper and an embowed doily." Tell me the last time you saw an embowed doily! It's worth getting the cake just for this reason alone.

6. Now, if you are west of the Mississippi or in Canada you have to pay a dollar more, but hey, this is the Cake of the Gods.

*Yeah, I know it's anachronistic and doesn't make sense, etc. But still.

1 comment:

Kath Lockett said...

I guess that receiving an 'embowed doily' is better than a disembowelled one...?