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The story begins with a dejected couple who have just hosted a party. A terrible party, it seems. Was it Bob's excessive use of Brylcreem that upset the guests? Or perhaps Peggy's black pencilled parentheses eyebrows upset them. But wait. Here's a clue: the half-full glasses on the mantelpiece. And behind the potted palms. And under the coffee table:
Look, Peggy, our guests left their glasses still full and hid them! What a flop our party was.
I'm so embarrassed I could cry but friend Alice was here...she'll tell me the trouble.
Yes, Friend Alice will tell it to you straight. So put on your best miniature sombrero and let Alice introduce you to her little friend named....Virginia Dare. Who has been hiding in Alice's liquor cabinet all this time holding a little tray of booze! Yes, it's 10am but why not, have a snort, Peggy. It's "grand-tasting" all right. Also smooth. And "it's so different" that it will make your party "an instant hit."
You know what's coming, don't you, in Act 3? Of course you do, Scooby Doo. Everyone comes to Peggy's next party - armed with full hip flasks and thermos bottles - but wow, they certainly love Virginia Dare wine, "America's Great Social Drink." Yum yum. And it's so cheap, too. "What a help to our budget," cheapskate Peggy says - not too loudly, one hopes. But I don't think anyone is listening.
I just wish that this all ended with Virginia Dare being revealed to be Old Man Muggins, hardened jewel thief on the run, in a devious rubber mask and some bedsheets. And then Scooby and Shaggy could go make enormous sandwiches out of what Peggy's got in the fridge. Although she's probably just got a lot of Spam in there. Don't worry, guys - maybe Virginia has the good cold cuts hidden on another tray in her cabinet.
Want some more Virginia Dare? Of course you do, it is so smooth and delicious. And cheap. Here you go:
Bill and the Magic Bottle
A Zesty After-Dinner Plot
The Accidental Wine Expert
Truth or Virginia Dare