Thursday, April 12, 2012
Of Cabbages and Celery Crowned Kings
But I'll bet you weren't thinking: why don't I hollow out a red cabbage with particularly scary leaves some of which resemble slices of corned-beef.
And then I can stick some tuna into its cabbagey depths.
Then I will carefully construct a tiny crown made out of celery and stick it on the tuna. Just to make it feel more - regal.
"This is no place for second best," the ad tells us. No, it isn't. It's no place for a little can of tuna either. But we've come this far - we can't turn back now.
But there is still something missing.
Yes, there is. You need to fill the tuna's little celery crown with Hellmann's Mayonnaise, is what you need to do. Make sure the mayo is giving off a kind of strange, Dante-esque, First-Circle-of Hell(mann's)* light. I don't know how you're going to manage that, though.
*I couldn't resist that one...having said that, I do think Hellmann's is pretty good stuff, especially when strange cabbages are not involved.